Eschuchame

2006-01-11T10:20:00.000-10:00

well, its been a while hasnt it? i have had a HELL of a year. i cant believe that its already 2006. lets see if i can remember the year shall we? lol

i got a boyfriend. it was fun while it lasted? maybe? lol thought i wanted to date him, but boy was i wrong. let this be a lesson to the rest of you. find out EVERYTHING you can about these people. i mean, i never thought to ask, 'do you do any drugs', but ask. seriously. i found out that this guy did crystal meth, crack cocaine, smoked weed, popped ectasy... i mean i dont see how i missed that... but whatever. i've learned my lesson. so just ask...

well, i got a promotion from bagger to checker. that was awesome, and it also came with almost a 2 dollar raise. thats been good

i went on a cruise to mexico!!!! that was so much fun! i would love to go again. i had no cell phone signal, and no sense of time while in the middle of the ocean. and i loved it! i got some pictures and some souviniers. and i got to spend quality time with my family. that was surprisingly fun. lol.

i got into a minor car accident. it was supposedly my fault, but i still dont see it that way. i was coming into work, and trying to back into a parking place in the parking lot when this guy pulled out behind me, and i kinda backed into me. i cried so hard, for so long. i was so disappointed in myself. and totally TERRIFIED to tell my daddy. he took it pretty well actually. (still havnt gotten that fixed yet...) i mean, i was at work on a register checking out peoples groceries just crying. it was horrible. my boyfriend at the time was there and had absolutely no idea what to do with me, cause he had never EVER seen me cry. and not many people have hehe. but yea.

i went on another vacation with the family to colorado. that one wasnt as much fun as it should have been because again, i didnt have cell signal, and had a boyfriend for this one. yikes... lol. i would LOVE to go back though, and i'd make myself enjoy it, boyfriend or not. i was on top of the rocky mountains guys! it was awesome. we went to the royal gorge, up pikes peak... just wow. then back to reality and back to work, but it was fun.

i found out that i need new tires for my car... that i dont have the money for.. which is depressing. i feel like i dont have any money for anything its all going towards bills. but yea, my tires are old and they leak air... (still havnt gotten that fixed yet either)

i found out that my sister has some kind of desease that when she would get tonsilitis, it would affect her liver and kidneys. they were really close to closing down on her. but she had her tonsils removed, and hopefully that helps.

and who can forget hurricans rita and katrina? i wasnt personally affected by katrina, but i have friends who were. one of my best friends was displaced and has now ended up in florida. its just a little bit longer drive right babe? lol. but rita rita rita... man. we left for that one cause it was supposedly coming RIGHT for my house. sooo... yea, we left on wednesday night. at midnight. and arrived in conroe texas (normally a 2-2 1/2 hour drive) 24 hours later. oh yes, i had been up for over 48 hours. a lot of tears came from that time. you realize what is most important to you in those times. when you have to deciede out of everthing you own, which is most important because you have to try and fit it in a small box... all of a sudden my posters werent that important, (my stereo was, you can bet your beans i had that in my car!). when we finally got there, i was almost out of gas, and there was no gas to be found. ANYWHERE. everyone was sold out. so were were just going to leave my car at my aunts house because we were headed to my great grandmothers. when friday rolled around, rita was now headed further east... towards where we were. greeeaaaat. so my dad was trying to cyphen gas out of our vehicles so i could get my car out of there. no such luck, because apparantely the newer cars come with an anti-cyphening device... so my aunts neighbors saw what we were doing, and said that we could have whatever we could get out of their truck they were leaving behind, because they were leaving. we got enough out to get me enough gas, and give some of the other cars some gas. (we took my mustang, my dads truck, my moms altima, my sisters tahoe, and her roommates truck) we left conroe friday morning to go to my great grandmothers about 30-45 minutes north of there, and drove straight through. but it was horrible. all the cars just stuck on the side of the road because they ran out of gas... i get tears just telling y'all about this. just to give youan idea... interstate 45 is a 3 lane highway... pluse shoulders... and with everyone driving on shoulders included, there were newly created lanes... there was about 5 or 6. then, a little bit north of houston, they opened i-45 south to go north, and they filled that up also. it was supposed ot help people get out quicker but it didnt. let me just tell you that is something i will NEVER do again. ever.

i started college classes... now THAT is some fun there :) oh yes. i enjoy it. and thats all i have to say about that...

and most importantly... I GRADUATED IN DECEMBER! HECK YES! (you can send your money to Kaycie Marks 6534.. oh, yea.. sorry ;) )

and second to ^ that one. i got another promotion. i am now an asisstant service manager. heck yes.

and here we are, in the new year 2006. some of my friends are graduating... im going to miss them sooo much, carolyn is going to utsa (university of texas san antonio), samantha is going to ut austin. its just... yea. hopefully in the fall of 2007 i'll be going to utsa also. im thinking i want to be an anesthesiologist assistant. heck yes. but yea. that was my year guys. and.. here are some lyrics to tell you how i felt during those times...

with the boyfriend deal...

Cheatin' by Sara Evans

You say your every day
Is a bad dream that keeps repeatin'
Maybe you should've thought about that
When you were cheatin'

How do you like that furnished room, the bed, the chair, the table
The TV pictures goes in and out, too bad you don't have cable
How do you like that paper plate, and those pork-n-beans you're eatin'
Maybe you should've thought about that
When you were cheatin'

How do you like that beat up car, I think it's fair we traded
You pick up truck is running fine, it's a cozy ride for datin'
Yes, I've been out a time or two, and found the comfort I've been needin
Maybe you should've thought about that
When you were cheatin'

You made your bed and your out of mine
You lie awake and I sleep just fine
You've done your sowing, now you can do your reaping
Maybe you should've thought about that
When you were cheatin'

What became of what's her name, after she spent all your money
Did she leave you like you left me, sometimes life is funny
But I'll be glad to take you back, just as soon as I stop breathin
Maybe you should've thought about that
Maybe you should've thought about that
When you were cheatin'
When you were cheatin'

but on the flip side of that... i kinda miss him, and have mixed emotions... so heres another one :P

Dont forget about us by mariah carey

Don't forget about us
Don't baby, don't baby, don't let it go
No baby, no baby, no baby no
Don't baby, don't baby, don't let it go
My baby boy...

Just let it dieWith no goodbyes
Details don't matter
We both paid the price
Tears in my eyes
You know sometimes
It'd be like that baby

Now everytime I see you
I pretend I'm fine
When I wanna reach out to you
But I turn and I walk and I let it ride
Baby I must confess
We were bigger than anything
Remember us at our best And don't forget about

Late nights, playin' in the dark
And wakin' up inside my arms
Boy, you'll always be in my heart and
I can see it in your eyes
You still want it
So don't forget about us

I'm just speaking from experience
Nothing can compare to your first true love
So I hope this will remind you
When it's for real, it's forever
So don't forget about us

Oh they say
That you're in a new relationship
But we both know
Nothing comes close to
What we had, it perseveres
That we both can't forget it
How good we used to get it

There's only one me and you
And how we used to shine
No matter what you go through
We are one, that's a fact
That you can't deny
So baby we just can't let
The fire pass us by
orever we'd both regret
So don't forget about

And if she's got your head all messed up now
That's the trickery
She'll wanna have like you know how this lovin' used to be
I bet she can't do like me
She'll never be MC
Baby don't you, don't you forget about us

Don't baby, don't baby, don't let it go
No baby, no baby, no baby no
Don't baby, don't baby, don't let it go
When it's for real, it's forever
So don't forget about us.

and to sum up the whole year....

Dare you to move by switchfoot

Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone's here
Everyone's watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next?

I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before

Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be

Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here

if you lasted to the end of this rambling on about my year... thank you. even though this is just at a glance, and i didnt mention everything that happened. its ok. heres to a great new year guys!

2005-09-21T11:22:00.000-10:00

ok, so i know i havnt updated in a while, i just wanted to ask you guys to pray for my family. we're leaving for hurricane rita. im real close to galveston. you can look up santa fe if you want and find us. anyway, this hurricane is barely in the gulf of mexico and already a catagory 5. we're leaving around 4 or 5 tomorrow morning and i dont know when i'll be back or if i'll have something to come back to. just keep us and other texas coast families in your prayers. if they picked up this storm and set it over texas, it would cover the whole state right now. we're talking major flooding. so just, yea, thanks.

2005-07-17T16:54:00.000-10:00

ok, so i was grounded. thats why i didnt update. but yea. anyway. soooo. what to say. i backed my baby into someone elses car. wonderful. i cried for 3 hours and was depressed for a couple of days. when i was crying jijo didnt know what to do with me cause kaycie does not cry. i felt sorry for him. and was yea. anyway. thats my update.

~K

2005-05-31T06:07:00.000-10:00

(x) snuck out of the house
(x) gotten lost in your city
(x) seen a shooting star
(x) been to any other countries besides the United States
( ) had a serious surgery
(x) gone out in public in your pajamas
( ) kissed a stranger
(x) hugged a stranger
(x) been in a fist fight
( ) been arrested
( ) done drugs
(x) had alcohol
(x) pushed all the buttons on an elevator
( ) made out in an elevator
(x) swore at your parents
(x) been to a casino
( ) been skydiving
(x) broken a bone
( ) been high
( ) skinny-dipped
(x) skipped school
( ) saw a therapist
(x) played spin the bottle
( ) gotten stitches
( ) drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour
(x) bitten someone
( ) been to Niagara Falls
(x) gotten the chicken pox
(x) kissed a member of the opposite sex
( ) kissed a member of the same sex
(x) crashed into a friends car
(x) been dumped
(x) shoplifted
( ) been fired
(x) had feelings for someone who didnt have them back
( ) stole something from your job
(x) lied to a friend
( ) had a crush on a teacher
( ) been to Europe
( ) saved somebodys life
( ) had your life saved by someone
( ) married
( ) gotten divorced
( ) had children
(x) saw someone die
( ) been to Africa
(x) driven over 400 miles in one day
( ) been to Canada
(x) been to Mexico
( ) flown a plane
(x) purposely set a part of myself on fire
( ) eaten sushi
( ) been skiing
(x) been front row at a concert
( ) gone backpacking in the mountains
( ) been on a blind date
(x) ridden in a taxi-dont suggest this in mexico. they race eachother even when they have passengers
( ) been in love *shrugs*

2005-05-06T07:14:00.000-10:00

update.. what exactly is that? well here it is. i got in big trouble at work. with the possibility of being demoted. yea fun right. my car broke again. $800 to fix it. that i dont have. lets see... anything else? oh, my friend is smoking weed again... i spend my nights crying myself to sleep. oh, its ok, dont think i dont deprive the days of that fun stuff either, i cry during the day too. basically, life sucks. theres your update.

2005-03-16T18:39:00.000-10:00

wow. its been a while huh? well ya, lifes been better, as usual. but hey, i DID get a promotion. i'm now a checker at my store. how cool is that? i lost 100.00 my first day... well, technically, i didnt lose it, it was in my till, and two people just didnt find it. not my fault...... completely. oh yea, and the guy that was leading me on and broke my heart? he just asked me out again... like, not even an hour ago. ok, so like, an hour and a half ago. whatever. i didnt answer him cause he had natalie call and ask me to double date with him and her and ruben. yea... good job man. i told her i couldnt answer that right now. so i called her back and told her to tell him that he has to call me and ask me. and when and IF he does, i'm going to ask why. i dont want to get stuck in the same sittuation i was in. thats not fair to me. heath seems to think that its not that big a deal, that he really is interested in "me". and yea, heath is his friend, and apparantely they sat down and had a little heart to heart about of all things, me. but yea, heart breaker and i seriously need to sit down and have a chat. i dont know what i want, so we're going to have to think about that too. if i do do anything, say yes or whatever, i cant tell anyone cause they all hate him. lol. thats wonderful isnt it. my parents said they'd be ok with whatever i decide. but i know my dad wont be. and i KNOW that one of my friends would so tell him what she thinks of him. that would kinda be funny. but anyway. still unsure of what we're doing. but yea, my cruise was freakin awesome! oh, yea, that ship, when we were out on it, they knew it was having some problems. and so when we got back, they took more people out on it anyway. and so it completely broke down in mexico, and those people had a LONG like, 10 day cruise to... mexico. i dont even think they could get off the ship, cause i dont think they could dock. but when they finally got those people home, they didnt fix the ship, and took MORE peolpe out. how cool is that? oh yea. i thank god he was so merciful with our family. none of us could afford to be out of work that long. except for the fact that when we got back, my dad got the flu. and another thank god none of the rest of us got it. oh yea. so yea, i think i've rambled off long enough. sorry, but that is my update. deal with it. at least you got something right? later!

2005-02-12T18:46:00.000-10:00

ONE

we are the lost
the ones forgotten
and this time
the future is ours
its in our hands

we're the tear in your eyes
we're the blood in your veins
we're the beat of your hearts
we're the sweat on your face
we're the ones that you chase
we're the promise that you made
we're the voice in your head
we're the lies that you said
we're the kids that you pushed away
we are...

we are the lost the ones forgotten
and this time
the future is ours
its in our hands
we are one

we're the pride of your lives
we're the light shining deep in your eyes
we're the choice that you made
we're the smile on your face
when you sleep at night

we're the best thing you had
but you left us behind
we're the kids that you pushed away

we're the pain that you feel
we're the scars that dont heal
we're the tear in your eyes
we're the reason you cry
we're the voice in your head
we're the lies that you said
we're the best thing you had
but you pushed us away

we are thye lost the ones forgotten
and this time
the future is ours
its in our hands
the lost the ones forgotten
we've got nothing to lose
together we stand up tall
we are one

I never could’ve seen this far
I never could’ve seen this coming
Seems like my world’s falling apart
Yeah
Why is everything so hard
I don’t think I can deal with the things you said
It just won’t go away

In a perfect world
This could never happen
In a perfect world
You’d still be here
And it makes no sense
I could just pick up the pieces
But to you
This means nothing
Nothing at all

I used to think that I was strong
Until the day it all went wrong
I think I need a miracle to make it through
Yeah
I pictured I could bring you back
I pictured I could turn back time
Cuz I can’t let go
I just can’t find my way
Yeah
Without you I just can’t find my way

In a perfect world
This could never happen
In a perfect world
You’d still be here
And it makes no sense
I could just pick up the pieces
But to you
This means nothing
Nothing at all

I don’t know what I should do now
I don’t know where I should go
I’m still here waiting for you
I’m lost when you’re not around
I need to hold on to you
I just can’t let you go
YeahYeah

In a perfect world
This could never happen
In a perfect world
You’d still be here
And it makes no sense
I could just pick up the pieces
But to you
This means nothing
Nothing at all
Nothing, nothing at all
Nothing at all

2005-02-07T18:43:00.000-10:00

TODAY WAS AWESOME!!!!! work was great. i mean, the people there were the bestest. they were all pickin on me. which is awesome. ashlee came to see me. heath was my asm. julie was there. just, yea it was great. which is good, cause last night sucked. i went to heaths superbowl party and the guy who led me on for 4 months and my supposed friend and the 'other girl' were there just as close as a p&j sandwich. grr, it was so gross. but its all good. i was hurt, then i was mad, and now we're over it and on a natural high... its great. in case i didnt say that...

I miss....

2005-01-31T18:36:00.000-10:00

I miss the hugs
I miss the late night phone calls
I miss the way you used to just look at me
I miss the way you'd smile at me for no reason
I miss the way you'd tickle me
I miss the neck massages
I miss the way you'd take my breath away just with your presence
I miss the way you'd finish my sentences
I miss the way you'd laugh at my funny phrases
...I miss you

2005-01-23T18:57:00.000-10:00

Your words to me just a whisper

Your face is so unclear

I try to pay attention

Your words just disappear

'Cause its always raining in my head

Forget all the things I should have said

So I speak to you in riddles because

My words get in my way. I smoke the

whole thing to my head and feel it

wash away 'cause i can't take anymore

of this, I want to come apart.

or dig myself a little hole inside

your precious heart

'Cause its always raining in my head

Forget all the things I should have said

I am nothing more than a little boy inside

That cries out for attention

yet I always try to hide

'Cause I talk to you like children,

Though I don't know how I feel

But I know I'll do the right thing

If the right thing is revealed

'Cause its always raining in my head

Forget all the things I should have said

Real update to come later

2005-01-07T06:52:00.000-10:00

Since the moment i spotted you,
Like walking round with little wings on my shoes
My stomach's filled with the butterflies... ooo and it's alright
Bouncing round from cloud to cloud
I got the feeling like I'm never going to come down
If I said I didn't like it then you know I'd lied
ooo

Everytime I try to talk to you
I get tongue-tied
Turns out that everything I say to you
Comes out wrong and never comes out right

So I'll say 'why don't you and I get together and take on the world
and be together forever
Heads we will and tails we'll try again
'So I say 'why don't you and I hold each other and fly to the moon
and straight on to heaven
Cause without you they're never going to let me in'

When's this fever going to break?
I think I've handled more than any man can take
I'm like a love-sick puppy chasing you around
ooo and it's alright

Bouncing round from cloud to cloud
I got the feeling like I'm never going to come down
If said I didn't like it then you know I'd lied

And slowly I begin to realize this is never gonna end
Right about the same time you walk by
And I say 'Oh here we go again, oh'

2004 "at a glance"

2005-01-02T19:14:00.000-10:00

2005 started out great. *extreme sarcasim* 2004 sucked pretty bad, and 2005 isnt looking too promising either. wow it was a hell of a year. 2004 found me grounded the beginning of the year. That was awesome. i got my first car in feb. and i thought it was going to be cool. WRONG! that car turned out to be a piece of crap. it was always breaking down. i got into a big fight with one of my friends, called her some interesting things, told her the friendship was over, basically because another friend was doing it too. that friend that helped me end my friendship with this other girl became my best friend. she lived out of state and her & her older sister came down to visit me. that was the greatest time i had had all year, which isnt saying all that much considering the year had barely started. but anyway. about a week after this friend came to visit me, we started arguiging every time we talked. it styarted because we had diferent biews on drinking. but it just grew, we could barely talk without one of us getting aggrivated. she started getting bery rude with me, and calling it "bluntness" and she was just trying to help me. She was telling me it was my fault i didnt have "real" friends. cause im just not friendly enough and i dont try hard enough. to put it nicely, it ended badly.

then, come to find out, shes talking about me behind my back. thats always nice right? so moving on.

me and my parents werent really getting along either. i was looking for a job almost religiously so i could just get away from them for a little bit. i ginally found one, and i was the happiest person alive. we changed churchs, it wsa the smallest church you could ever imagine with NO ONE my age. i was NOT happy there. at all.

around the same time we switched churchs, i wsa going to take classes at our loval community college, but my mom decided that i wasnt mature enough for that. that totally made me mad. (i was so rebellious in 2004).

oh yea, and who can forget the superbowl and janet jackson? yea, was mad i had to be there for that too. again, a church gathering at my house, no one my age. and moving right along...

i had a lot of friends that wanted to/did commit suicide. hell, i even thought about it myself. my friends best friend commited suicide. she was SO upste about it.

middle of the year, still not sure what i'm going to do with my life. my favorite phrase was, "get the duct tape, my would is crumbling around me"

i met an awesome friend in ovtober. she became my best friend. we hung out a lot. but i quickly found out that her boyfriend was a total JERK! and thats putting it nicely. we're talking verbally and physically abusive. and he doesnt like me. so thats always a bonus. and i ended the year 2004 driving down my street and having fireworks going off right next to my car. that was awesome. i wasnt home all night, and some guy called under a private number and asked for me, but didnt give my mom a chance to ask who it was. and to this day i dont know who it was, and its bugging me. but they never called back.

that was 2004 "at a glance". you prolly didnt want to know all that.

2004-12-29T06:46:00.000-10:00

There you go changing my plans again

there you go shifting my sands again

for reasons i dont understand again

lately i dont have a clue

just when i start liking what i see

there you go changing my scenery

i never know where youre taking me

but im trying just to follow you

its out of my hands

its out of my reach

its over my head

and its out of my league

theres too many things

that i dont understand

so its into your will

and its out of my hands

there you go healing these scars again

showing me right where you are again

im helpless, and thats where i start again

im giving it all up to you

its out of my hands

its out of my reach

its over my head

and its out of my league

theres too many things

that i dont understand

so its into your will

and its out of my hands

move me, make me

choose me, change me

send me, shake me

find me, remind me

the past is behind me

take it all away

take it all from me, i pray

2004-12-21T10:14:00.000-10:00

*edit/update*
its Wednesday now, and my friend called me while she was at work. apparently her boyfriend hit their 10 month old son today for crying. he apparently cried too loud and woke him up. please pray for him too.

ok, please pray for my friend. she is in a really bad sittuation. like, really bad. her boyfriend literally slammed her head into the refridgerator last night, and it hurts her really bad to touch it. its all bruised. but she wont leave. she has a 10 month old son with this guy. so please just pray for her. he has told her that shes allowed to talk to me, but she still does. and i'm thankful for that. i dont know what to do for her. so pray for us both. thanks.

2004-12-08T15:48:00.000-10:00

i give up. i dont want to be strong anymore

2004-12-06T19:22:00.000-10:00

bad day

had a bad day again
she said i would not understand
she left a note and said i'm sorry i
had a bad day again

she spilled her coffe, broke her shoelace
smeared the lipstick on her face
slammed the door and said i'm sorry i
had a bad day again

and she swears there's nothing wrong
i hear her playing the same old song
she puts me off and puts me on
and had a bad day again

she said i would not understand
left a note and said i'm sorry i
had a bad day again

2004-12-01T23:21:00.000-10:00

Untitled"
I open my eyes
I try to see but I’m blinded by the white light
I can’t remember how
I can’t remember why
I’m lying here tonight

And I can’t stand the pain
And I can’t make it go away
No I can’t stand the pain

How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

Everybody’s screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I’m slipping off the edge
I’m hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered

And I can’t explain what happened
And I can’t erase the things that I’ve done
No I can’t

How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away

I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

2004-11-17T11:03:00.000-10:00

this made me laugh. enjoy

KsiLyn: i think the devil might have taken over my sould sara
KsiLyn: soul*
butifulashes: repent you sinner!
KsiLyn: i'm not sober enough to know what that means at the moment
KsiLyn: sorry
butifulashes: *drags you across teh floor*
butifulashes: :-D
KsiLyn: trying to perform an exorcist huh?
butifulashes: :-D ya know me
KsiLyn: lol
KsiLyn: yea
KsiLyn: drown the feelings in alcohol? they're still floating huh?
butifulashes: :-P

2004-11-11T19:00:00.000-10:00

how about something lighthearted?

I HAVE... (check all that apply)
[] been drunk.
[ ] smoked pot
] rode in a taxi.
[ ] been dumped.
[] shoplifted.
[ ] been fired.
[] been in a fist fight.
[ ] had sex
[ ] had a threesome.
[x ] snuck out of my parent's house.
[ ] been arrested.
[ ] made out with a stranger.
[ ] stole something from my job.
[ ] celebrated new years in Times Square
.[] gone on a blind date.
[x] lied to a friend.
[ ] had a crush on a teacher.
[ ] celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans.
[ ] been to europe.
[x ] skipped school.
[x ] thrown up from drinking.
[x] had a sleepover party.
[x] been ice skating.
[] cheated on a bf/gf
.[] been cheated on.
[x] had a car.
[X] drove.

I...
[] have a bf. (*cough*)
[] have a gf.
[x] have a crush
.[x] feel loved.
[x] feel lonely.
[] feel happy.
[x] hate myself
[] think i'm attractive.
[x] have a dog.
[x] have my own room.
[x] listen to rap.
[x] listen to rock.
[ ] listen to soul.
[] listen to techno.
[ ] listen to reggae.
[] paint my nails.
[x] have more than 1 best friend.
[x] get good grades.
[x] play an instrument.
[] have slippers.
[x] wear boxers.[
x] wear black eyeliner.
[x] like the color blue.
[x ] like the color yellow.
[ ] cyber.
[x] like to read.
[X] like to write.
[] have long hair.
[x] have short hair. ish...
[x] have a cell phone.
[ ] have a laptop.
[ ] have a pager.

I AM...
[] ugly.
[x] pretty.
[x] ok.
[x] bored.
[] happy.
[] bilingual.
[x] caucasian.
[ ] black.
[ ] mexican.
[ ] asian.
[] short
.[x] tall. suuure...
[] grounded
.[x] sick.
[x] a virgin.
[] lazy.
[x] single.
[] taken.
[x] looking.
[x] talking to someone.
[x] IMing someone.
[x] scared to die.
[x] tired.
[x ] annoyed.
[] hungry.
[] thirsty.
] on the phone.
[] in my room.
[] drinking something.
[] eating something.
[] in my pjs
.[x] ticklish. (VERY)
[] listening to music.
[] homophobic.
[] racist.

2004-11-09T18:23:00.000-10:00

thanks for praying for my friend. i think shes doing better. heres another one. my dads dad was told he has 6 months to live. you wont be hearing much from me.

2004-11-05T08:37:00.000-10:00

hey, would y'all please pray for my friend? I think shes suicidal right now. shes really scaring me.

2004-10-22T16:24:00.000-10:00

*edit: highlighted points that refer to me even more now*

"Welcome To My Life"

Do you ever feel like breaking down?

Do you ever feel out of place?

Like somehow you just don't belong

And no one understands you

Do you ever wanna runaway?

Do you lock yourself in your room?

With the radio on turned up so loud

That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like

When nothing feels all right

You don't know what it's like

To be like me

To be hurt

To feel lost

To be left out in the dark

To be kicked when you're down

To feel like you've been pushed around

To be on the edge of breaking down

With no one's there to save you

No you don't know what it's like

Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?

Are you sick of feeling so left out?

Are you desparate to find something more?

Before your life is over

Are you stuck inside a world you hate?

Are you sick of everyone around?

With their big fake smiles and stupid lies

While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like

When nothing feels all right

You don't know what it's like

To be like me

To be hurt

To feel lost

To be left out in the dark

To be kicked when you're down

To feel like you've been pushed around

To be on the edge of breaking down

With no one's there to save you

No you don't know what it's like

Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face

No one ever stabbed you in the back

You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay

Everybody always gave you what you wanted

Never had to work it was always there

You don't know what it's like what it's like

To be hurt

To feel lost

To be left out in the dark

To be kicked when you're down

To feel like you've been pushed around

To be on the edge of breaking down

With no one's there to save you

No you don't know what it's like, what it's like

[x2]Welcome to my life [x3]

2004-09-28T08:07:00.000-10:00

ok, so my dad rocks. he got me the 1998 white mustang gt. i am so in heaven right now. and on to a serious post that has been bugging me for about a week now.

when you are friends with someone, you read their blog, you read their e-mails, you laugh with them, you cry with them, and sometimes you even fight with them. but you're still friends. even though you fight, and dont have everything in common, or anything in common, you're still friends. now, when that friendship ends, you should end it. dont linger in it, dont obsess over that person. just dont. dont read their blog, and then go to your blog or your friend and say something about it. dont get mad at what they say. they're not your friend anymore. let it go, get over them. its over people.

i think that if you have a problem with someone, you should take it to them. not put it up on your blog. (and if you think thats what was up there, you're wrong, thats about me. i did it.) if you want to make a private blog where you feel you can get it all out, go for it. but if you have a beef with someone, take it to them, not out on them in your blog entry. now, dont get me wrong, im not saying that your blog cant be personal. i'm not saying that at all. i'm just saying dont go dissing someone, whether its in a song, or hinted at, clearly or not, you shouldnt do it. and thats a habit i'm going to have to break of myself, i know. but not everyone wants to know about who you're mad at this week.

ok, i'm done. now heres a song thats been running through my head for weeks.

Dashboard Confessional
Vindicated

Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out

The shine of it has caught my eye
And roped me in
So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing
I am captivated

{Chorus}
I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along

And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

So clear
Like the diamond in your ring
Cut to mirror your intentions
Oversized and overwhelmed
The shine of which has caught my eye

And rendered me
So isoloated, so motivated
I am certain now that

{Chorus}

So turn
Up the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment, fall forever
Defense is paper thin

Just one touch and I'd be in
Too deep now to ever swim against the current

So let me slip away (3x)

So let me slip against the current

So let me slip away (4x)

{Chorus}

Slight hope
It dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption...

oh, and i'm planning a road trip to dallas... hehe. for a certain reason unknown:P

2004-09-14T16:02:00.000-10:00

i could really use some prayer right now. i might explain later, just pray.

the people in louisiana, mississippi, alabama, and florida could really use some prayer right now too.

no word on the car. other than they dont know whats wrong with it. im prolly gettin my new one in jan./feb. im thinkin black mustang.

2004-09-05T08:05:00.000-10:00

ok, so saturday im on my way to work right, and i'm sitting at a red light, and my car starts shaking really bad. then it just dies on me. at the red light. in the middle of the road. on my way to work. grrr. so this lady and her three sons help me push it to the side of the road, then i call daddy. then i call my boss and end up with the day off. then while sittin in my car on the side of the road waiting for daddy, two league city police officers pull up behind me, and while one is talking to me, the other is checkin the liscense plates. oh yes. then the one that was talking to me looked like he wanted to check my car for drugs or something. grrr. >_<>

2004-08-23T18:54:00.000-10:00

I hate it when people tell me that I cant do what I KNOW I can do. It drives me crazy.

On another note, work is ok. I like the check. The check is really nice. EECKS DEE. *winks at anna* I dislike Stephanie my ASM. (Assistant Service Manager) she doesn’t have an agreeable personality. Grrr. But whatever. I get paid again Thursday. It should be about $200. im gonna go pick up my check (Im finally off that day!), get ashlee and we’ll prolly get our nails done, run to my grandmas to give her her cd’s back, and then get gas for my car, and goof off. I want to spend some time with jen, ashlee, Mario, and cody. Grr. We’ll have to go do something or some other. Cody’s parents finally agreed to let him drop out of the cult of a school he was in, and hes going to be homeschooled now. He’ll be doing algebra with me this year. Oh goody. Just playin. Aigh. Lets see… what else. Oh, my momma got a new car. Its an ’05 Nissan Altima. Black. Oh yes. Its awesome. I got to drive it. EECKS DEE.

Im lookin at universities to go to. Im not even sure where I want to go, much less what I want to do. But im mos def goin in texas. I can transfer somewhere else later if I get a full scholarship. But the likelihood of that is slim to none. But whatever right. Lifes life. i think that’s all im coherently able to say right now, and that wasn’t even coherent. Dude, I so spelled those right the first time. EECKS DEE. Btw, I will be putting up my schedule later.

2004-08-15T09:01:00.000-10:00

"its been a while...."

and it has. well, it was AWESOME with Anna. like, wow. and my new favorite quote came from my dad... "God must be a teenage girl". if you want an explaination, you'll have to call. anyway. i started work. ew. let me just say, IM READY TO QUIT! i would if i didnt have a 300 dolla cell phone bill to pay. >_< i officially have the BEST friends in the world. i would be lost without these people. like, totally lost. they dont judge me for what i like, they dont whisper behind my back, they aren't rude to me, they dont try to change me. the accept me just the way i am. and i have NEVER had friends like that. ever.

new discovery. it was brought to my attention last night that if you click on my profile, you can see all my other blogs. *goes to move those to other name* i also have nosy friends :P you know who you are. but im glad it helped you. now you can conviently forget what it was you read! lol. anyway. moving right along. i think thats about it for now. im exhausted. so i shall go now. bye

2004-07-30T05:10:00.000-10:00

ok, i stumbled across a blog from one of our very own american soldiers. he was in iraq at one point, and came home, and now he is training his 'platoon' to go back. and i went there last night, and this post is what met me...

Bitter Sweetness

Life is full of surprises! You never know when the shit is going to hit the fan or when true happiness will set in. I struggle sometimes with my destiny and why I was put here. As each day passes I look back at the last and tell myself either how stupid I was for doing certain things or the sense if pride will overwhelm me or there will be no words to describe how I feel. I wanted to share a story with you that made me look at things in a different manner.

I am training some soldiers right now and one of them comes to me before he shoots and I go through the normal rigors and questions of how comfortable he is with the weapon and so on. This one kid, he must of been 18 said he had never shot before. I was saying to myself, oh great not another one! Well I asked him a few questions to calm him down. Where you from, Huntsville Alabama. Why are you here, because the lord has sent me! I kind of tilted my head and was like ok. He went on to say that it was his destiny to be here and the lord has only created the path for him to make his journey to the point in which he is at right now.

Mind you, I am not really a religious person. Certain events in my life have made me sort of fall off the religious wagon. Doesn't make me a bad person, I am just on a hiatus.So back to this kid. He has a cross on and he asked if he could pull it out when he began to fire. I said sure. I told him that if god intended him to be here then god knew what he was going to shoot as far as a score. So I said that I didn't need to say good luck. The kid never touched a weapon in his life mind you.He ended up qualifying expert in that weapon and hit nearly every target that came up. He got up and said, no luck, god will always be my steady aim and he walked off.

The sun shined down upon me in a different way that day.

2004-07-20T10:50:00.000-10:00

WHO AM I

Who am i, that the lord of all the earth
would care to know my name
would care to feel my hurt
who am i, that the bright and morning star
would choose to light the way
for my ever wandering heart

not because of who i am
but because of what youve done
not because of what ive done
but because of who you are

i am a flower quickly fading
here today and gone tomorrow
a wave tossed in the ocean
a vapor in the wind
still you hear me when im calling
lord, you catch me when im falling
and youve told me who i am
iam yours, i am yours

who am i, that the eyes that see my sin
would look on me with love and watch me rise again
who am i, that the voice that calmed the sea
would call out through the rain
and calm the storm in me

i am yours
whom shall i fear
whom shall i fear
cause i am yours
i am yours

let me just say, i love that song. ok, so from the time i get up until about 1400 hours tomorrow, i'll be clearing out furniture and painting my new room, cause ash is finally gone. then at 1400 hours i have to get in the shower so i can get ready for my interview which is at 1500 hours. gah. that means i have to leave at 1430 hours, and i was told to expect the interview to last for at least an hour. CRAP! thats gonna take forever. and not to mention im nervous as heck. so if you would, at 1500 hours would you say a quick prayer for me. thanks a million. lets see what else. oh yea, i'm painting white. and remind me to never let jessica ride in a car with me. (no, not rayvens jess, ra) good grief. ok, so i was in dads truck. and in the back, it was jenn, sarah, and sarah. in the front, i was driving, jessica was in the middle, and cody by the other door. and a song was on the radio, and they talk about not being afraid to hold hands, so what does jessica do? she grabs both mine and codys hands, and tries to make us hold hand. GAH. then, after that, when we get back, were all in my back yard having dinner on my trampoline. and jessica goes, 'those two have a secret crush on eachother' pointing to cody and me. so i go, cody, how long have we known each other. 'at least 5 years'. gee cody, thats a long time, i didnt know about this did you? 'no, mustve been a pretty good secret'. gotta love cody. we were both more than a lil aggrivated at that. but anyway. shes just a little... um... i dont even know the right word for it! but whatever. i really hope i get this job, btw. i want to get this truck, its an 04 ford f-150 xlt stx, supercab (extended), and prolly either midnight blue or black, or yellow. not white, not red, and not silver. oh man, you should hear these babys go. aigh. i want it NOW! but oh well, i can be patient, because im not going to put myself into debt, because i know my rents cant catch up the note for me. so yea. aight, im out, catch yalls lata.

2004-07-14T13:37:00.000-10:00

50 things that piss kaycie off

1) people that say you cant be their friend anymore because you have ‘nothing in common’
2) mean people
3) liars
4) say it with me now, hypocrites.
5) Guys who think they’re Gods gift to women
6) Guys in general
7) Gas prices
8) When cars don’t start
9) When cars break down
10) When friends live more than 2 hours away
11) Friends who HAVE to live out of state
12) Guys who hit girls
13) Guys with anger problems
14) Minimum age limits for jobs
15) Minimum age limits for anything
16) Girls who think they’re Gods gift to men
17) Big egos
18) Interviews that never stop
19) People who blow you off
20) Heat index’s of 106
21) Humidity
22) Speed limits
23) Dial up connection
24) High phone bills
25) Roaming charges on my cell phone
26) Drivers who don’t pay attention to the road and nearly run me off it
27) Hitting every stop light down highway 6
28) Whiners (I may be one myself… but the people who constantly whine… that pisses me off)
29) People with opinions on politics who know NOTHING about politics.
30) People who think they can sing… but cant
31) People who date people a LOT older than them *coughcough*
32) Girls who are all about fashion
33) Girls who live in fashion and if youre not interested in it, sneer at you
34) Fire ants
35) Angelina Jolie
36) Computer time limits
37) Waking up early
38) Going to bed early
39) Being betrayed by a certain trusted person
40) Losing cds
41) My sister when shes in that mood
42) People who diss texas
43) The typical reply you get when you tell someone you’re homeschooled. that stupid look
44) Preps.. all of them
45) Judging… of any kind
46) Men who act like immature boys. Its ok to be a kid again sometimes… but honestly, lets not go back to middle school all the time
47) False complaints
48) Over protective parents
49) Over protective girlfriends
50) Getting told that I need to make God first in my life when one knows NOTHING about me

2004-07-13T08:57:00.000-10:00

ok hi. AnnJ is going to come visit me. i go pick her up in 26 days. i have no idea how shes getting home. lol. but we're going to have fun non the less. and thats my update. i have to go clean.

2004-07-09T06:53:00.000-10:00

ok, this isnt really a real entry i dont think. you decide. yesterday was awesome, i went to the dentist, 16 years of no cavities, and STILL NO CAVITIES!. hehe. i would like to keep the good record goin. then i go home, and have to take a nap cause of the only 3 hour sleep night i had gotten. i got woken up by the phone and the door bell. seeing as how i could call whoever was on the phone back, i answered the door. it was chris. he borrowed one of our ice chests like, 3 years ago, and it got stolen, so he was replacing it. so i get back in and listen to the message, and i have a job interview wednesday at 0930 with a grocery store. i had given up hope of finding one. not giving up on God, but that maybe his answer was no, that i didnt need a job right now. and it could still be no, but theres a glimer of hope in the fact i'm getting an interview. but anyway. i get on the computer today, and my dear morgy gets on. its been so wonderful talking to her. i love her :GRIN:. i truely missed talking to her. she never fails to make me smile. *sigh* im content where i am i think. for so long i havnt been content with where i was in life. i was always wanting to get out of where i was. (ask ruthann, we had a nice long chat on my cell phone as i was taking a walk...) being content with where you are doesnt mean liking where you are, it doesnt mean enjoying where you are, it just means that you accept it, and make it the best it can be. and not complaining bout where you are. and thats where i am. i am to the point where i can accept what God has for me. if he has it for me to get a job, then thats what'll happen. and if not, then i can accept that. before, it was different. i wouldnt accept his answer. but yea. anyway.

school starts with mrs. barbara august 25, and its from 0800 - 1200. (get used to it, i'm going to be using military time for a while now.) that will be interesting. and i still have to go take my entrance exam with college of the mainland. pray that if its what God wants me to do, then thats what will happen, and if not, then its not. i will be content with that.

2004-06-30T20:27:00.000-10:00

i know, you prolly just want a real entry. GET OVER IT! this song is supposed to be about a breakup type thing, but i see it as all the friendships i've lost cause they just dropped me. whether it was because i 'wasnt friendly enough', 'didnt have anything in common' with them, or a combo of those, or even the ones that didnt get a reason. this song is for all of y'all. i dont need you. it was great being friends with you. hope your life is goin good for you. and here is your song

My Happy Ending - Avril Lavigne

lets talk this over
its not like were dead
was it something i did
was it something you said

dont leave me hangin
in a city so dead
held up so high
on such a breakable thread

you were the things i thougth i knew
and i thought we coudl be

you were everything, everything
that i wanted
we were meant to be, supposed to be
but we lost it
all of our memories so close to me
just fade away
all this time you were pretendin
so much for my happy endin
so much for my happy endin

youve got your dumb friends
i know what they say
they tell you im difficult
but so are they
but they dont know me
do they even know you
all the things you hide from me
all the stuff that you do

its nice to know that you were there
thanks for acting like you care
and making me feel like i was the only one
its nice to know we had it all
thanks for watching as i fall
and letting me know we were done

so much for my happy ending
so much for my happy ending

2004-06-29T12:10:00.000-10:00

Bring On The Rain

Another day has almost come and gone
Can’t imagine what else could wrong
Sometimes I’d like to hide away somewhere and lock the door
A single battle lost but not the war (‘cause)

Tomorrow's another day
And I'm thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain

It's almost like the hard times circle ‘round
A couple drops and they all start coming down
Yeah, I might feel defeated,
I might hang my head
I might be barely breathing - but I'm not dead

Tomorrow's another day
And I'm thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain

I'm not gonna let it get me down
I'm not gonna cry
And I'm not gonna lose any sleep tonight.

2004-06-27T16:33:00.002-10:00

stress is a strange thing. and i'm under a lot of it. stress does strange things to you... makes you act strange.. so... what have we learned? stress is strange, and its effecting kaycie.

2004-06-27T16:33:00.001-10:00

stress is a strange thing. and i'm under a lot of it. stress does strange things to you... makes you act strange.. so... what have we learned? stress is strange, and its effecting kaycie.

2004-06-22T19:21:00.000-10:00

"Change"

If ever you had said to me before
That I would live this life that I am
Living now I guess it's all so strange
To feel the way I do inisde but
Have so much that I could feel some
pride for in my life so why is it that
I feel like this

How do I feel? I've been here before.
I've felt this.
Retreat to a place, a place within.
I need this. Keep it all down, bottled inside
It breaks me to torment again and
torture me like it used to.

I try and try to break away from all the hate
I'm feeling for every one of you that's ever
done me wrong. I need to justify the reasons
for the way I'm living. I guess I can't 'cause
I don't feel like I deserve it

How do I feel? I've been here before.
I've felt this.
Retreat to a place, a place within.
I need this. Keep it all down, bottled inside
It breaks me to torment again and
torture me like it used to.

So now the waves they have subsided
And my soul is bleeding I can't take away
the shame I feel. Forgive me.

How do I feel? I've been here before.
I've felt this.
Retreat to a place, a place within me.
I need this. Keep it all down, bottled inside
It breaks me to torment again and
torture me like it used to.

AGAIN!

price to play

We fail to see
How destructive we can be
Taking without giving back
'Til the damage can be seen
Can you see? (2x)
Chorus
The more you take
The more you blame
But everything still feels the same
The more you hurt, the more you strain
The price you pay to play the game
And all you seek, and all you gain
And all you step on with no shame
There are no rules, no one to blame
The price to play the game

Apathy, the chosen way to be
You blindly look the other way
While you waste away with me
Can you see? (2x)

Chorus

What you pay to play the game (x4)

Chorus

What you pay to play the game (x4)

2004-06-20T04:38:00.000-10:00

ok, well. i'm going to steal a quote from RA's blog. (i'm not going to hyperlink right now, its almost time to leave for church so look under my friends links) i was just browsing through really quick, seeing if anyone needed prayer, and she so said what i've been feeling for forever.

I've learned that people let me down, people disappoint me. I've learned I can't expect people be be anything I'm not. And I need Someone a lot bigger than myself.

people have always let me down, always disappointed me. and she hit the spot right there. anyway, i gotta go. maybe you'll get a good rundown later.

*edited to add*

i'm twisted cause one side of me's tellin me that i need to move. on the other side i wanna break down and cry.

2004-06-16T09:42:00.000-10:00

well, i got an email from phillip.

Kaycie

I don't have a lot of time to write, but I want to write and I appreciate your email. I have a few nice looking prospects, none in a church. I don't feel a strong call to a church right now. But it is not my decision, it is God's. I must stay focused on my family and minister to them. You will get to see Emilie when we make visits to the Prouty's. We plan to be over there in about two weeks. Make sure you call and ask them when it is going to happen. There has not been a specific date nailed down yet. Thanks for the prayers! TTYL.

Phillip

i so wanted to cry when i read this. its not fair. at all. i mean, come one, here is this guy who has a true calling and talent for the ministry, and now hes not feeling drawn towards a church. how uncool is that? gah! oh well. i'm still praying for him.

in other news, my summer english class is almost getting overwhelming. and on top of that, i had commited to do the powerpoint for church, keeping it updated every week. thats fine, but now they want me to do the website. and i KNOW i cant handle that. so i'm going to say no. but i'm gonna almost feel bad for saying no. aigh. oh well. ashlyn is moving out in august. sweeeeet. i get to go get all new furniture for my room when i move into the one shes in right now.

i need to call kris and ask her if she found anything out about what i need for school. and if it would be possible for me to start at 16. it aint right that she didnt call back. psh. so wrong. oh, ashlee is going to take an english class at com in the fall, so i could possibly take an english class with her. YAY. that would rock. i might be getting a job at an h-e-b. (those are only in texas, just so you know) i need the extra money. like. really need the extra money. well, not need, its a strong strong want. :P. haha. whatever. and im rambling on. that seems to happen when i dont sleep and i get phone calls from a certain person coughracough at 2a. ok, so last night it was only what, 1:40? lol. wow, im so tired. i'm leaving now. i have to go interview my great grandmother for shcool. i have to interview someone who lived through the great depression. aigh. oh well. at least my questions are all lined out for me right? haha, its a 5 para paper. EW. oh well.... yea, im leaving now. no, really i am.

-kayso (queso)
-kayc (case)
-kaycie (kay... yea, kaycie)

blah... just blah

2004-06-11T07:11:00.000-10:00

ok, please pray for my youth pastor. earlier this week, the elders of the church approached him and told him that either he resigns, or they're firing him. hes been the youth pastor/ education director for 2 years now. i've really grown to admire him, look up to him, and all that stuff. i'm really going to miss him. his wife just had a baby, and she cant work yet, and he has no idea what hes going to do now. i saw him last night at vbs, and he told me today (friday) was his last day, and he looks really depressed. and if you know phillip, he doesnt even look like this when hes sick with the flu puking every 8 minutes. so... i'm really really not in a good mood right now. too many people that i know are struggling right now. its just... gonna be a blah kind of day. i cant even find myself excited that my sister might be moving out and i get the best room in the house. its just. whatever. i dont know. i'll prolly not be on for a while... at least not talkin. so dont expect to see me. and if you call... i might answer the phone, depends on how im feeling. but prolly not. i just need some time to myself. i just want to turn inside now....

is officially back

2004-06-07T16:12:00.000-10:00

heya. long time no see right? well, one word. SHUP! just a warning, lots of song lyrics in this entry. i love using lyrics to tell how im feeling. so here we go. :grin:

so, Sunday, May 30th, i skipped church. for a good reason! i was on my way to louisiana. why go on a sunday? i was going to meet Mrs. Kathie and RA and Hannah. :grin: we met in Crowley, Louisiana. ate at some resturaunt i dont even remember the name of. anyway. when we lefrt louisiana, i had a new family for the next five days. shortly after we left louisiana, i had crossed into my second state, mississippi. :grin: just so you know, the gulf coast looks the same. heh. moving on before i get poked to death... we got to RA's house around 7 i do believe. we walked in and Mrs. Kathie, RA, Josh, and Nathan played a game of air hockey. i think we stayed up till like, 1ish in the morning. i could be wrong. we woke up about 8a on monday. (i sleep later than that when not on vacation. :roll: )memorial day, RA's dad was off. soooo... we went to Alabama. 3rd state y'all! :big grin: as mrs. Katie put it, "i went on vacation, first time out of texas, and i went to Mississippi i love mrs. kathie. :grin: anyway, the 1 1/2 hour car ride to alabama i got the 3rd degree from josh, nathan, and rachel. rachel's a mess. :wink: i love her. :grin: the whooooole ride. hehe. we stopped by the resturauntwe were going to eat at, and it was crowded. so we left a name, and went shopping. we wetn into a christian book store and i got Ted Dekker's Black, Third day wire, and a dvd with a few bands on it. and get this, the lady checking me out, was TEXAN!!! oh yea. she was talkin bout how she was ready to go back. we're everywhere y'all. although, the yanks are prolly safe, we couldnt handle the weather. :grin: after that we went to eat.
it was interesting. they thought it would be a new thing for me, but i have a resturaunt like that in Spring, Texas called the potatoe patch. they thow your dinner rolls at you. how awesome is that? moving on. after that we went to do a little more shopping. then we went home, got our bathing suits on and went swimming. had sandwiches for dinner, and didnt get to swim that long cause it was lighening. so we went home. read for a while. slept. tuesday we got up and went to the library *pokes RA* we met some one whom RA struck up a debate with. she believed that there was a god but everything else was relative. she doesnt really think that prayer works. she made a deal with her dad that if she did something he'd quit smoking... he didnt. and she had prayed for him. i how that feels. my uncle promised me (yes ra, scott) that he would quit smoking if i quit sucking my thumb. well, i held up my end of the deal. yea, i prayed for him and everything. still do. but instead of quitting smoking, he got into drinking and drugs. i'd say thats a far cry from where i wanted him to be. here come some of those lyrics :P

Third day
I believe

give me something that i can
believe and then i'll
shre it with the world for
everyone to see
take away the darkness,
all the pain and sadness
i know its you who put
this light inside of me

i believe in a faith
thats srong
i believe in a hope
that carries on
i believe in these
things and more
most of all
most of all
i believe in love

if i had the strenth
to move a mountain
would you be amazed
by all my abilities
i guess it would
not mean
much if i didnt
have love
and this is what i really
want you all to see

i believe in a faith
thats srong
i believe in a hope
that carries on
i believe in these
things and more
most of all
most of all
i believe in love

faith is the ultimate personal decision. no matter how much i would love to, i cant make my uncle come to christ... (help, im getting deep AND you're finding out about my family and my true feelings. :P ) "i believe in a FAITH thats STRONG. i believe in a HOPE that carries on." honestly, just recently, my whole attitude towards christianity was, "what do i have to lose?" i'm fixing that. there is a god, and he loves me.

back to my road trip. :grin: after that, SSSAAAAAWWWWWAAAAAA came over. YAY! she didnt know i was coming. heh. then wednesday we went shopping. i packed and thursday i came home. blah.

i would like for y'all to pray for me. im planning on taking the entrance exam to take classes at the college and at this point, im gonna bomb the math. so please keep that in your prayers.

a song that really hit me lately is casting crowns - if we are the body. (yes, this is more lyrics)

If we are the body

its crowded in worship today
as she slips in trying to fade into the faces
the girls teasing laughter is carrying farther than they know
farther than they know

but if we are the body
why arent his arms reaching
whya rent his hands healing
why arent his words teaching
and if we are the body
why arent his feet going
why is his love not showing them there is a way
there is a way

a traveler is far away from home
he sheds his coat and quietly sinks into the back row
the weight of their judgemental glances
tell him his chances are better out on the road

jesus paid much too high a price
for us to pick and choose who should come and we are the body of CHRIST.

Jesus is the way

wow. i came from that. i was the one who "fades into the face" with the teasing laughter. that teasing laughter came from people i thought were my friends. and so now, i find myself with matthew west's lyrics to 'you know where to find me'. no, i wont post them for you. you can go find them on my lyrics page:P

and this i leave you with. its only a slightly scattered post:P.

2004-05-26T18:01:00.000-10:00
dont let this make you not look at the last post if you havnt seen it yet? k? k.

Lookin' back,
On the memory of
The dance we shared,
Neath the stars above
For a moment,
All the world was right
How could I have known,
That you'd ever say goodbye?

And now,
I'm glad I didn't know
The way It all would end
The way It all would go
Our lives,
Are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain,
But I'da had to miss the dance.

Holding you,
I held everything
For a moment,
Wasn't I a king?
But If I'd only known,
How the king would fall
Hey who's to say,
You know I might have changed it all

And now,
I'm glad I didn't know
The way It all would end
The way It all would go
Our lives,
Are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain,
But I'da had to miss the dance

It's my life,
It's better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'da had to miss,
The dance

welcome to the caribbean love

2004-05-25T19:15:00.000-10:00
yes Lyd, i did say that to your brother... or thought i did:P anyway. my parents are currently thinking about letting me spend a week in mississippi with ruth ann, and i'm trying really hard to be a "good girl" so i can take classes in the fall. i really want to do this, and i need to find out if i can so i can start studying for the entrance exam. and friday, may 28th, i shall probably be locked in the santa fe highschool from 10p to 5a the next day with all of the graduating seniors. how fun is that? my friend jennifer goes there, and shes graduating.

on another note, i'm currently reading 'when god writes your love story' and i completly agree that it would be completly awsome if the man i marry was the only man i ever dated. how cool would that be? yes, i know, it wont be easy... but i completly think its worth the pain and suffering :P but really, in this society, girls are depending on relationships to make them whole. they cannot be anything without a guy on their arm. and thats saddening. because we are someone. we dont need a guy to make us whole. honestly, we dont need a guy girls. as long as we lean on and depend on our maker, our savior, we do not need a relationship with a man. yes, i know what im saying. i have had the thought, 'man, i wish i had a guy who could give me a hug at this moment, a guy i could talk to, a guy who would actually listen'. but ya know what, i'm not going to have a great relationship until i wait for the certainty i'm waiting to recieve from my maker that 'he' is the one that god made for me. and im going to wait for that. i'm going to save myself, not just physically, but also emotionally for the 'one'. wow that sounds weird... isnt that like, an abc family movie, the one? lol. ok, yea, anyway.

yes ruth ann, i know this is not the post you wanted, but its the one you got. at least you got one right?

and sorry for the ramblings, my thoughts were not completly thought out, i was just typing with what i am feeling. so deal with it.

2004-05-20T19:55:00.000-10:00
ra wants me to post on what i've learned.....

you'll have to wait sweetie.

Basics
Name:: kaycie
Age:: 16
Height:: 5'6.5"
Hair Color:: natural? brown
Eye Color:: bluuuuuue
School Life
What's your school's mascot?: uh... ? heh
School color(s)?: whatever i choose:P
G.P.A.?: ....
Who is your favorite teacher?: uh, i plead the fifth on the grounds that it might incriminate me
What do they teach?: heh
Is this your favorite class?: um
Internet
Do you use any instant messengers?: yes
If so, which ones?: aim, msn
About how many hours a day do you spend online?: too many
Do you have a digital camera?: yes
If so, do you post pictures of yourself online?: yes
Music
Do you play any instruments?: yes
If so, what one(s)?: flute
3 Favorite Genres Of Music:: rock, pop, country?
3 Favorite Bands:: Jars Of Clay, (i suck at fav.s, just so you know) Third Day, aaaaand, Trapt
Do you go to concerts and/or shows?: yes
What is the most you've ever spent on a concert/show?: me? i dont pay. HA
What is the least you've ever spent?: um... .25
Do you think buying merch at a concert then wearing it there is corny?: yes
Do you listen to any bands that you'd be ashamed to admit to listening to?: no
Did you notice the grammatical error in question 29?: whatever
Word Association
Blue:: my eyes
Camera:: digital
Boy:: girl
Pretty:: in pink
Pants:: good
Music:: cd
God:: my hero
Sweater:: i need one
Live Journal:: blogger
MTV:: ha!
Labels:
Do you think labels are dumb?: some
Why or why not?: cause
What do people label you as?: um.. i dont know.
How/Why did you get this label?: uh, ditto
Which Is Worse?
Physical Pain/Emotional Pain?: emotional
Blink-182/Good Charlotte?: blink 182
Being Deaf/Being Blind?: gosh... deaf i think... no, cause then you cant listen to music.. I DONT KNOW
Being Bored/Rushing around because you have too much to do?: being bored
Losing your dominant leg/Losing your dominant arm?: both
Love
Do you believe theres a difference between "love" and "in love"?: um.. yes
Is it better to have loved and lossed than to have never loved at all?: yes
Are you romantic?: heh... i dont 'think' so
Are you in a relationship now?: no
If so, for how long?: heh, try never
If not, how long have you been single?: 16 years and going
Are you a virgin?: yes
What song describes your love life right now?: um... the valley song by jars of clay
Ranomosity
War: Good or Bad?: bad
What do you think of designer labels?: ew
Who's skankier: Britney Spears or Paris Hilton?: wow... hard one
What is it with guys and cars?: what is it with it only being guys allowed to be into cars?
Do you sing?: uh, no
If so, what part (Soprano 1,Alto 2, et cetera)?: heh, i couldnt tell them apart
Kiss or hug?: hug
What color is your room?: a dusty purple color
How old is your mom?: 40 in august
Black and white or color photos?: color?
Who cuts your hair?: tammy
What color is your toothbrush?: orange and blue
What color is your hair brush?: purple
What kind of hair products do you use?: um... hairspray
Is K-Mart just the poor man's Wal-Mart?: yes
Are you sXe?: no
Are you sexy?: no
What color to people tells you looks nice on you?: uhh... they dont
What color do you think looks nice on you?: no clue
Clothes shopping or grocery shopping?: clothes, i hate the grocery store
Who do you sit with at lunch?
Do you like the sound of your own voice when you hear it played back?: no way
Who has the nicest speaking voice that you know?: um... lydia
What is the website for one of your favorite bands?: www.thirdday.com
Do you prefer to date people younger, older, or the same age as you?: older
Do you listen to songs on repeat often?: no
Who was the last person you hung out with?: um... my dad
What did you and that person do?: umm.... hung out?
Do you use internet shorthand (i.e. "lol", "brb", "jk", et cetera)?: yes
How often do you bathe?: um, every day
Are you a people-pleaser?: sometimes
Do you dye your hair regularly?: no
What about your eyebrows?: no
Do you wear makeup?: yes
If you answered "yes", to #96, are you female?: if you would number these, i could answer your questions better
Do you buy CDs edited or unedited?: um... unedited?
Can you beatbox?: no
Does your mom like the song "Hey Ya" by OutKast?: she hates it

100 Questions For Your Answering Pleasure! brought to you by BZOINK!

wow... this ones... big... deep:P

2004-05-14T15:38:00.000-10:00
Ill close my eyes, let the whole thing pass me by. There is not time to waste asking why

Ok, I warned Ruth Ann that yall would be seeing a deep blog entry. Deep for me anyway. So here goes. Youll even see some scripture in this one :P.

I had this friendship. It was right after my birthday that I met this girl. (well call her Peggy) We met through a forum we go to. We got introduced to this forum through the home-school cirriculum we use. Heh, at first I thought this chik was EXTREMELY boring. Lol. She was always talking about the SATs, and getting into this big to-do college in Illinois. And here I was, I want to be a paramedic going to a community college. She was big into fashion, like, really big into it. And I have no interest in that what so ever. :P. as she put it, Im a drag girl. But the more we talked, the more I said to myself, ya know what, this girls pretty cool. I wouldnt mind getting to know her better. She definitely has friend potential.

Well, as the time went by, we did get a little closer. About a week or two later, we starting talking about a mutual friend we had. I had been having some issues I should have brought up with this friend, well call her, Madisson. I hear she doesnt like Betty :P. (you know who you are) but I didnt. I didnt talk to Sue about it, I talked to Peggy about it. And apparently Peggy was having some issues with Madisson at the time too. But instead of taking our issues up with Sue, we just kept telling each other about them. (small piece of advice, DONT DO THAT) we fed each other. Gossip. It was gossip that sent us over. We gossiped about Madisson, and that drove us to something rash. Leviticus 19:16 you shall not go about as a talebearer among your people, nor shall you take a stand against the life of your neighbor, I am the Lord We both wrote a terrible e-mail to Sue. We treated Sue without any inkling of respect. I seriously regretted that. I needed time to think about what I was feeling, going through before I did something rash, something I regretted. It took me about a month to figure out that what I did was not what I really wanted. Meanwhile, Peggy and I were getting along grandly. She came to visit me, (she lives in another state) and we had a great time. She stayed for about 2 days. When she went home, we didnt talk for about 2 weeks. When we did talk, it was weird. More than 2/3s of the time we argued. Mostly over stupid stuff. And she was busy with her real friends. She was stressing over the SATs, stressing over her big play. She was completely rude to me. But she said it wasnt being rude, it was bluntness. Well.. it wasnt. just so you know, telling people that they dont have real friends because they dont try hard enough and theyre not friendly enough is not bluntness, its rudeness. And I was sitting at home having a lot of time to think about my friendship with Madisson. And I decided that I missed that friendship that I had just tossed away as if it were a bubble gum wrapper. So, I e-mailed Madisson. And were ok for now. :P. but this friendship with Peggy just kept going no where. I honestly dont know what happened. The only logical thing I can make of it is she got busy with real friends. And our personalities clashed. Not to say that the friendship wouldnt have worked out because of her personalty, cause it is like Ashs, only Ashs has matured because well, shes almost 19. but we get along. Quite well most of the time actually. But anyway, back on topic. We were just arguing about everything, (Peggy and I) and it was wearing me down, physically and mentally. I dont like, drama, well just say this now, and this was turning out to be a full fledged melodramatic soap opera. Which wore me down, because I abhor drama. but anyway. This whole unhealthy relationship went on for about 2 more weeks. Then I called her, she had wanted to know what was bugging me, so I called her and told her. I told her why I was upset. And we left it as, well talk again. Well, I thought long and hard about this friendship. I thought, here is this girl, and shes putting me down, shes insulting me and my family, I cant do this. Its not going to work. Im going to have to let her know, its not fair to either of us. Well, later that afternoon, I got onto the internet. She IMd me and basically said its over. She said, there are just too many things about you that bother me. Peggy had repeatedly called me names, and raised her voice at me, but I refused to do that. I wasnt going to call her names. I hate confrontation. Im not confrontational until I have to be. And I had to be with this situation. But I didnt call her names, I didnt insult her or her family. But it ended. or so I thought.

today, Peggy IMd me. She just wanted to let me know that she had reconciled” or apologized for the harshness towards Madisson. Well, I told her that I didnt care… the second she ended the friendship, I had no interest in that. And that she eneded the friendship, so let it be. Leave me alone. I thought she got the message. But she IMd me again… asked me to quit leaving rude comments on her blog… I couldnt help myself. I couldnt… I said, I wasn’t being rude. She goes, yes you were. I said, no, I was being blunt.” Whether that was wrong or not, I do not take hypocritical behavior well at all. 1 Peter 2:1 So get rid of every kind of evil. Stop teling lies. Don’t pretend to be something you’re not. stop wanting what others have. Don’t speak against each other So that started the whole next convo. Then she just wanted to make sure that I wasnt mad at her. I couldnt tell her that, I could not say Peggy, its ok, I’m not mad at you. Cause it would have been a lie. So I said, I dont hate you, but I am mad, angry at the situation. Well, she just kept going, and I couldnt take it. it was wearing me down. So I finally just told Peggy what she wanted to hear. I said, fine, Im not mad at you, happy?. And got rid of that.

Peggy kept saying she wanted to help me. She wanted to change me to suit her. Which I wasnt going for. She was always picking out what was wrong with me, with my personality and hanging it over my head, telling me I needed to fix it Matthew 7:3-4 you look at the bit of sawdust in your friends eye. But you pay no attention to the piece of wood in your own eye. How can you say to your friend, let me take the bit of sawdust out of your eye? how can you say this while there is apiece of wood in your own eye.So in other words, she wanted me to fix my problems, but hers were, its just the way I am. What she couldnt see is that Im letting God help me fix what needs to be fixed. Im giving that up to Him. But Peggy wouldnt let that happen. That was another factor to the problems we had. She was trying to fix me. and I wouldnt let that happen. I was not going to change for someone else. I am not going to change for someone else. Just to fit their lifestyle.

So now here I am. Not sure what I feel towards this person. I dont hate this Peggy. I have no reason to. But yet, I cant get myself to not get this feeling whenever she IMs me. I get this feeling in my gut, and I hate it. if you end a friendship, then its over. You ended it, dont talk to that person. It makes it harder on them.

That concludes my loooong post :P. youll get over it. but yea. I just needed to get that off my chest.

heh, bring it on. lets play

2004-05-14T07:35:00.001-10:00
+||SECTION ONE:

At The Moment

1. Name: Kaycie

2. Nicknames: b****, pain in the a** (thanks steph, my lifetime goal, and im only 16!)

3. Feet size: 10

4. Do you have a crush? nope

5. Birthplace: Texas City, Texas

6. Favorite Salad Dressing: Ranch

7. Ever gone skinny dipping? uh, no

8. Last person you talked to: Steph, and thanks for your demented yet humerous insight sweetie.

9. Favorite Book: umm... I dont know. I dont think i have one

10. Favorite Type of music: i like almost all kinds of music

11. Favorite types of cars: Chevy Silverado z-71 package.

12. Favorite Saying: "you are such a hypocrite" (just recently)aaand, "i'm covering myself in bubblewrap and post it notes."

13. Favorite Ice cream: moo-lineum cruch

14. Favorite Alcoholic Drink: um... since i'm such a heathen, and im going to hell because i might go have a drink with one of my friends, i might as well tell ya, that my fav as of now is smirnoff ice.

15. When Do You Go To Sleep: after 11p

16. Most Embarrassing Moment: yea, dream on

17. Stupidest Person you know: you for saying stupidest... but the dumbest person i know, now that would be flat out evil saying that wouldnt it.

18. Funniest Person you know: ummm... Lyd:)

19. Favorite holiday: 4th of July. it signifies FREEDOM. that you dont have to do what people tell you to. you dont have to conform to what people want you to. you dont have to change just for one person, and you sure as heck dont have to take they're crap. *sweet grin*

20. Favorite Food: um.. almost anything mexican

21. Favorite Television Show: CSI, Judging Amy, ER, Navy NCIS,aaaand... The District

22. Favorite junk food: um.. prolly beef jerky.

23. Favorite Drink: cocoanut coke from sonic ( i feel sorry for those who live up north and dont have sonics coughmorgycough:) )

+||SECTION TWO: The Future

1. School: well, since i just want the easy way out, and im lazy, prolly the community college so i can get my full out paramedics liscense. but you know how lazy those guys are.

2. Where You Want To Live: anywhere but illinois

3. How Many Kids You Want: no more than 3

4. What Kind Of Job You Want: Paramedic

5. Wedding song: umm... i dont know. i dont sit down and think about this like some people who are obsessed with romantic fantasies.

6. Pets? dogs. definitly dogs. cats are stupid

7. Car? chevy silverado z-71 package :P

8. 5 years from now? umm... i should be on a rig runnin calls to save people. even if they were horrable people to me, i can still handle the biggest needle out there. watch yourself.

9. 10 years from now? hopefully married...:P

+||SECTION THREE: Have You Ever..

1. Done Drugs: nerp

2. Run Away From Home: thought about it, but no

3. Hit A Girl: psh, yea. wish i could do that now too.

4. Lied: who hasn’t?

5. Stolen Anything: yea.

7. Cheated On A Test: yea. the teacher saw me do it and did nothing too.

8. Cheated On A Boyfriend: um, seeing as how i've never had one thats not entirely possible now is it:P

9. Gotten Drunk: not yet.

10. Been With Two guys/girls At Once: uh, yea. its called a group of friends. :P but no, i've never dated two guys at once.. heck, i havnt even dated two guy alone.

11. Been In The Hospital: yerp

12. Let a friend cry on your shoulder: yea, then they used it against me.

13. Fell asleep in the shower/bath: nope

14. Gone to Church: its a habit.

15. Never slept during a night: plenty of times

16. Ever been on a motorcycle or motorbike: um, not yet. i'm planning on it. soon

17. Been to a camp: yea.

18. Sat in a restaurant w/o ordering: yup

19. Seen someone die: yea. my great grandmother

20. Gone a week w/out shaving: yes

21. Didn't wash your hair for a week: uh,. no

22. Broken something valuable: yea

23. Thought you were in love: nope

24. Streaked the streets: no... i know someone that almost did tho.. he was in his boxers.

25. Screamed at someone for no reason: no reason? no she gave me plenty of reason to scream at her, even if she wont admit it.

26. Said I love you and meant it: yes

27. Been hurt by a guy/girl you loved: yes

28. Stayed up till 4 am on the phone: heh, yerp

29. Pulled a prank? so many. :) *sweet grin*

+||SECTION FOUR: When is the Last Time You..

1. Took a shower: this morning

2. Cried: umm wow... a while ago. and im trying to forget it.

3. Given/gotten a hug: uhh... wow, i dont remember

4. Been to the movies: no, i wanna go see mean girls though, it would remind me of a past friendship.

5. kissed someone: not yet.

6. Said I love you: yikes... today to my mom as she was leaving for the weekend.

+||SECTION SIX: What is..

1. Your Fondest Memory Of This year: uummm.... gettin my car:)

2. Your Most Prized Possession: the friends that accept me for who i am, and are not completly and utterly rude to me and try to change me and call it blunt and help. :)

3. The Thing That Makes You The Happiest: family. and friends who accept me and dont try to "help" cough CHANGE TELL ME I NEED HELP cough me.

4. Your Favorite Food For Breakfast: i dont eat breakfast

5. Your Favorite Food For Dinner: .. either chicken n dumplins or enchalada casserole.

6. Your Favorite Slow Song: uhh... fray. yes, theres a hidden meaning there. LOOK FOR IT. (you'll have to find the edited version, cause yea... its pretty bad cause of staind... :P )

+||SECTION SEVEN: What do you think about..

1. Bill Clinton: uh, ugly.. rudolph the red nosed reindeer:P

2. Love at First Sight: um. no

3. Abortion: so bad

4. Smoking: not worth it. (and its ok steph. i know what you mean, i had that happen a few times in this thing)

5. Death: end of problems for some

6. Eating disorders: of the devil

7. Marilyn Manson: eeeeewwwwwww

8. Premarital sex: uh... yea, do that and take the chance of getting pregnant, NOT WORTH IT YO

9. Suicide: wow. its something that people really struggle with... and its wrong.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA i would looooove for this to be true (and if the size kills you lyd, GET OVER IT OR FIX IT)

2004-05-13T15:53:00.000-10:00
I hid it :P *snickers* So deal with that, dearie!

yooo hoooo

2004-05-13T08:34:00.000-10:00
i'm outta town this weekend. i'm goin to my great aunts house. you can catch me on my cell assuming (yes, i know what they say about that) i have signal out in the boonies. thank you

ahem

2004-05-12T16:18:00.000-10:00
i have not gotten any phone calls. i'm very disappointed with y'all. i expected at least ONE. *cries* oh well. fine then. i feel the love.

Everyones doing it! (yes, i live my life on this one. :) :P)

2004-05-11T08:12:00.000-10:00
[age] 16
[where do you live] Texas
[four words that sum you up] I Am The Best. :) :grin:
[hairbrush] ConAir i think
[jewelry] Black Gel Braclets, Watch, and a ring on each hand
[pillow cover] Two shades of Green
[coffee cup] One. Its mine, and it has a dog and a bone on it. stay away. MINE
[shoes] K'Swiss, white, blue and red

[cologne/perfume] Adidas
[piercings] One in each ear, soon to be one in my left cartiledge as soon as i convince my mom its a good idea
[clothes you're wearing now] Blue Jean Shorts, black bernstein/budweiser racing shirt signed by brandon bernstein. :grin:

MIXED QUESTIONS:

[wishing] That I had the All American Rejects CD...
[after this] School.
[talking to] Leah
[eating] My words... yikes
[something you're looking forward to in the upcoming months] possibly meeting anna. SWEET
[last thing you ate] cookie?
[something youre hella afraid of] my car dying on me again. sheesh
[if you could have any animals as pets what would they be] Dog of course, and a tiger, maybe a shark too (sorry alex, i HAD to keep this one.)
[three cities you wouldn't mind relocating to] Lake Tahoe, San Antonio, Florida Keys
[something you wish you could understand better] people.
[miss someone you haven't seen in a long time] Yes.

DO YOU:

[like candles] Yes. Unless they smell bad.
[like incense] no way
[believe in love] Yes.
[believe in soulmates] Yes.
[believe in love at first sight] No.
[believe in forgiveness] Yes.
[want to get married] Yes.
[want to have kids] umm... the ideas growing on me. SHUT UP RA!.
[believe that you know the person that you'll marry at this point in time] uh, no

IN THE LAST 24 HRS HAVE YOU:

[cried] No.
[bought somethin] nope, no money.
[gotten sick] No.
[sang] Yes.
[eaten] Yes.
[been kissed] No.
[felt stupid] Yes.
[wanted to tell someone you loved them, but didn't] no.
[met someone new] um no.
[talked to someone you have a crush on] No.
[had a serious talk] No.
[missed someone] Yes.
[hugged someone] I hug no one. Ever.
[fought with your parents] um... not yet. we havnt really talked. but its coming... :P
[dreamt about someone you can't be with] No.

SOCIAL LIFE:

[boyfriend/girlfriend] None.
[hobbies] watching tv, reading, talkin on my cell....
[pager/cell] Cell
[are you the center of attention or wallflower] wallflower
[car you drive] red 1995 dodge avenger es
[would you rather be with friends or on a date] um... dunno
[job] coughmyparentscough
[attend church] Yes.
[like being around people] Yes.

WHO:

[have you known the longest] outside my family... adam:)
[do you argue with the most] um... used to be steph, but thats all over now
[do you always get along with] alex...ra...leah...all of em
[who is the most trustworthy] none of em:P
[who makes you laugh the most] uuuhhh.... the most? prolly alex
[who has the coolest parent(s)] uuhhh. alex's
[who has the coolest sibling(s)] uhhh. morgy!:P
[who is the most blunt] um... alex

PERSONAL:

[who is your role model] uuuuhhhhhh..... MORGY
[pet peeves] annoying people who tell me not to do exactly what they have a habit of doing.

[ever liked someone you had no chance with] No.
[ever wanted to get revenge on someone b/c they hurt you] Yes.
[cried over the opposite sex] Pfft. No, I'm not stupid, stupid!
[have a certain "type" of person you go after] None.
[rather have a relationship or "hook-up"] Relationship.
[are you happy with yourself] Mostly.
[are you happy with your life] uh, i am now:)
[if you could change one thing what would it be] people:P j/k! driving regulations, gas prices... oh, just one? DEAL WITH IT,
please

well i would never have guessed, but dude, i should add this to my career choices. :grin:

2004-05-10T12:15:00.000-10:00
I can't stand it....I CAN'T!*screams* It means I can't read any of your posts without having to use the horizontal scroll bar to go back and forth across. You haev no idea how much that can drive a person nuts. Plus the little scroll thing doesn't show up on your blog, so I have to use the arrows, and....ARGH! *drenches Kayci with her cold water gun*

Which Type of Illegal Folk Are You?
Mafia Member
Stressed, high strung. Now we're rolling with the big boys. You launder money, and hey, that's okay. You're a little bit high strung. So go ahead, take a vacation with that illegal cash.
Click Here to Take This Quiz
Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

-->

my cute widdle niece

2004-05-09T16:08:00.000-10:00
Rayven

Ashlyn and Rayven

Rayven

Rayven

Rayven

and we'll throw this one in just for alex. ;) :grin:

heh... heh...

What does your birth month say about you?

2004-05-09T08:48:00.000-10:00
FEBRUARY:
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract.
Intelligent and
clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy.
Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest
and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves
freedom. Rebellious when
restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and
easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but thoes
not show it. Dislike unnecessary things. Loves
making friends but rarely
shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing
dreams and hopes. Sharp.
Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the
inside not outside.
Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to
learn to show emotions

What does your birth month say about you?
brought to you by Quizilla

life...

2004-05-08T16:12:00.000-10:00
life....

life....

life....

life....

life.....

cant live with it... but yet, duh, cant live without it... but sometimes... i just dont want to live with it. and someone tell me the difference between bi-otch and b****. i'm told its different. because i'm the first, but not the latter, becase they're different...
...
...
...

and why do i need friends? the only friends i've really not gotten mad and blah with are Katie, Anna, Lyd, Alex, *give her time.. shes new folks:P* and Morgy. i love them all. i even love the ones that i have spats with, the ones i dont talk to anymore, the ones that just left me because they 'didnt have time' for me. i still love them, they are not my enemies. but yet, i still dont want to be friends with some of them. some of them, it would just be unhealthy. for me. espicially for me. and part of growing up is knowing when to not be involved in things that are unhealthy for you... and i think im in an unhealthy sittuation. *thank you miss julie. you rock!* so... now i just have to figure out how im going to handle this unhealthy sittuation... bottom line, please keep me in your prayers. thanks.

heart breaking truth...

2004-05-06T06:28:00.000-10:00
here is another one of those poems. this one is the heart breaking truth. (Sara wanted to read it, so we get one right after the next. blame her *grin*)

I want to tell you lies.

I want to tell that little boy, his Mom will be just fine I want to tell that dad, we got his daughter out in time. I want to tell that wife, her husband will be home tonight I don't want to tell it like it is, I want to tell them lies.

You didn't put their seat belts on, you feel you killed your kids I want to say you didn't ... but in a way, you did. You pound your fists into my chest, you're hurting so inside I want to say you'll be OK, I want to tell you lies.

You left chemicals within his reach, and now it's in his eyes I want to say your son will see, not tell you he'll be blind. You ask me if he'll be OK, with pleading in your eyes I want to say that yes he will, I want to tell you lies.

I can see you're crying, as your life goes up in smoke. If you'd maintained that smoke alarm, your children may have woke. Don't grab my arm and ask me if your family is alive. Don't make me tell you they're all dead, I want to tell you lies.

I want to say she'll be OK, you didn't take her life I hear you say you love her and you'd never hurt your wife. You thought you didn't drink too much, you thought that you could drive. I don't want to say how wrong you were, I want to tell you lies.

You only left her for a moment, it happens all the time. How could she have fell from there? You thought she couldn't climb. I want to say her neck's not broke, that she will be just fine. I don't want to say she's paralyzed, I want to tell you lies.

I want to tell this teen, his buddies didn't die in vain, because he thought that it'd be cool, to try to beat that train. I don't want to tell him this will haunt him all his life, I want to say that he'll forget, I want to tell him lies.

You left the cabinet open and your daughter found the gun. Now you want me to undo, the damage that's been done. You tell me she's your only child, you say she's only five. I don't want to say she won't see six, I want to tell you lies.

He fell into the pool, when you just went to grab the phone. It was only for a second, that you left him there alone. If you let the darn phone ring, perhaps your boy would be alive. But I don't want to tell you that, I want to tell you lies.

The fact that you were speeding, caused that car to overturn and we couldn't get them out of there, before the whole thing burned. Did they suffer? Yes, they suffered, as they slowly burned alive. But I don't want to say those words, I want to tell you lies.

But I have to tell it like it is, until my shift is through and then the real lies begin, when I come home to you. You ask me how my day was, and I say it was just fine. I hope you understand, sometimes I have to tell you lies.

wow... (thats been my title a lot lately huh)

2004-05-05T21:28:00.000-10:00
ok, well... my sister found this site for me. its really long, and you shouldnt read it unless you have time. but it is a really good website. it is by a NYC EMS worker. hes telling about how former mayor Guiliani screwed up the NYC*EMS system. anyway, if you have time, you should check it out. at least look at the pictures. look at what they live in, look at how they treat the patients. its horrable. FNDY*EMS and on this site i found this, and wow....

I wish you could know

I wish you could comprehend a wife's horror, at 3 in the morning, as I check her husband of 40 years for a pulse and find none. I start CPR anyway, hoping to bring him back, knowing intuitively it is too late, but wanting his wife and family to know that everything possible was done to try to save his life.
I wish you could know my thoughts as I respond to another call "What is wrong with the patient? Is it minor or life-threatening? Is the caller really in distress or is he waiting for us with a 2x4 or a gun?"

I wish you could be in the emergency room as the doctor pronounces dead the beautiful five-year old girl that I have been trying to save for the past 25 minutes, who will never go on her first date or again say the words, "I love you, Mommy."
I wish you could know the frustration I feel in the cab of the ambulance, my hand pressing, again and again, on the siren as you fail to yield the right-of-way at an intersection or in traffic. When you need us however, your first comment upon our arrival will be, "It took you forever to get here!"

I wish you could know my thoughts as I help extricate a teenage girl from the remains of her automobile. "What if this were my sister, my girlfriend, or a friend? What would her parents' reaction be when they opened the door to find a police officer with hat in hand?"

I wish you could know how it feels to walk through the door and greet my family, not having the heart to tell them about my day.
I wish you could know how it feels to dispatch Paramedics and EMTs, how our heart drops when we call for them and no one answers, or to hear a bone-chilling 9-1-1 call from a child or a wife in need of assistance.
I wish you could feel the hurt when people verbally, and sometimes physically, abuse us or belittle what we do, or when they express their attitude of "It will never happen to me."

I wish you could realize the physical, emotional, and mental drain of missed meals, lost sleep, and relinquished social activities, in addition to all the tragedy my eyes have seen.

I wish you could know the bonds of brotherhood, the self-satisfaction of saving a life, being able to be there in times of crisis, or restoring order from chaos.
I wish you could understand what it feels like to have a little boy tugging at your arm and asking, "Is Mommy okay?" of not even being able to meet his eyes without tears in your own, not knowing what to say,

Or having to hold back a long time friend who watches as CPR is being performed on his buddy while they take him away in an ambulance. You knew all along he did not have his seat belt on, knowledge that becomes too familiar.
Unless you have lived this kind of life, you will never truly understand or appreciate who I am, who we are, or what our job really means to us...
I wish you could though.

pray for me please

2004-05-05T15:23:00.000-10:00
my chances of going to the paramedic program in the fall just upped:) so please pray that my parents will agree... i meeeaaaaan. that they'll agree to whatever God wants:P. i really want to do this. those of you that have known me for at least a year know that by now. but the odds just got higher because i can be 16. and i'll even be able to do my clinicals. sooo, thanks

wow...

2004-05-02T12:07:00.000-10:00
i havnt updated in a while huh. lol. its all gravy (unless you're jessica, then its twizzlers :P) but anyway. alls good. one of my moms good friends went to tyler texas this weekend. she left today, and wont be back until wednesday, and her son just called. they want to do the while you were out thing to her. i dont know if they got the whole tv show thing, or if they're doing it all themselves or what, but they want my moms help. thats sooooo cool! lol. i wanna help! only if its the tv series. cause then, LOOK OUT HOLLYWOOD, HERE I COME! haha, j/k j/k. wow, im in a really good mood. i didnt go to be last night until like, 3:30a, and got up at like, 10. but i was awake at like, 8. so WHEEEE! haha. wow, im scaring myself now. katie's rubbing off on me. anyway, i'm still praying about my career. im praying for everyone i said i'd pray for. aaand. thats all i have for now. ta ta

wow...

2004-04-28T07:58:00.000-10:00
ok, someone define their friendship with me.... if your mom had cancer how close would we have to be for you to tell me that? i have this supposed friend that i've had for at LEAST a year now, and i hear, from some other freaking person that her mom has cancer. this only pissed me off a little. i mean, i would have told her if my mom had cancer. this my friends, is why i try to not get too close to people. all they do is let me down.

and as a side note, i've updated my links. i now have a link to my "career choices" website. its where i've laid out all the careers im thinking about, given links to info about them, all that good stuff. so if you'd go check it out, give my y'alls opinion on them, which one you think you like for me ME best. thanks

why...?

2004-04-25T08:12:00.000-10:00
why cant i sleep anymore? why do my lil sibs always get dumped on me? how come everytime i go somewhere its, "are you going with kaycie?" GAH. why cant i be alone? the sole pupose of taking my car today was so i could be alone on the way. but noooo, 'courtney are you going with kaycie', 'YEA, I WANNA GO WITH KAYCIE' gah. go away

dear life

2004-04-24T17:26:00.000-10:00
i just cant do this anymore. i'm constantly questioning if you're really worth it. are you worth all this (yea well, you'll get over this one) shit? i mean, really? im like, to the point of not taking it anymore. how much more do you think i can take? honestly. yea well, lifes hard. i take the crap you deal me. well guess what, i've got too many full decks in my hand from the crap you've been dealing me life. i'm sick of it. why dont you just go away? i dont need you, i dont want you, i hate you. with a passion do i hate you. i cant wait until you're gone.

blarg

2004-04-23T12:02:00.000-10:00
I talked to *person* last night and got soooo irritated. I think that confirmed that my actions towards *person* were right. *person* was being so immature. Yes I admit, I initiated the conversation with *person*, (on im) but that was because *person* promised me a website that I had not received. All this “conversation” was supposed to be was inquiring about the website. But *person* refused to give it to me. This conversation” went on for at least 10-15 minutes, and no website was ever exchanged. The supposed deal (Merriam-webster’s school dictionary: deal the result of bargaining: a mutual agreement. And I assure you, this was not mutual) was that we talk, and I get the website. And I talked. I might not have said everything *person* wanted me to, but I talked. *person* was not specific as to what I had to talk about, but I stayed on *person’s* topic. Then, at the end of the “conversation” *person* goes, “and good night, I’m going to bed” ( not exact quote mind you, dummy me forgot to save the convo. GAH. So to which I replied, “I want the website”. *person* still refuses because I didn’t talk . So *person* one last time goes, “im going to bed, I’ll be on tomorrow, good night.” And signs off. Leaving me without afore mentioned website. I was quite angry and irritated at this immature act. And believe me, *person* got an e-mail letting *person* know that. And I will definitely talk to them today to get that website. if there even is a website. This website supposedly has information that would confirm accusations, but since this website has not been handed over, I’m going to assume for the present, that these accusations are not true.

And on top of all this, I was sitting at the computer so freakin cold that even my teeth were chattering. So I paused “conversation” with *person* to get a sweater. That only made me burning hot AND freezing cold. I felt blah all day and I have sharp stomach pains. As of late I’m always feeling down. And I just don’t know. Its just BLARG! and I guess that is all. If you stayed through that till now, kudos to you. And if you didn’t understand that whole conversation thing, im sorry. Deal with it, cause im really not in the mood to explain it. sorry.
bye

...sigh...

2004-04-22T13:40:00.000-10:00
ok, well, ive been on one of those moods again lately. im thinking that in the summer, since steph isnt going to go to summit with me, either im gonna go by myself, or go spend some time up at my great aunts house. i just need to get away. from it all. i dont know what the problem is lately. AAAHHH. i just... blarg. anyway. could y'all please keep one of my friends in prayer? shes in an interesting situation to say the least. im not gonna go into specifics, god knows. we'll dub her "jane". you know, as in "jane doe" :p. ok, so yea... no deep thoughts today. unless you found something deep in what i have just said.

bye

ok... yea, after that real post, heres a fun one

2004-04-20T05:17:00.000-10:00
1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says.: (theres only 3 lines, so i'll read you that one) "Dum! Dum! Dum!" from "The Ear Book" part of dr. suess

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first? couch

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV? monster house

4. What is the last song you listened to? umm... switchfoot?

5. WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what the time is. 10:40a

6. Now look at the clock, what is the actual time? 10:20a

7. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? my lil bro and sis watching tv

8. When did you last step outside? What were you doing? yesterday to scrape the bad tint off of my car windows

9. Before you came to this website, what did you look at? metnal.com forums

10. What are you wearing? shorts, and my bud racing t-shirt

11. Did you dream last night? no

12. When did you last laugh? yesterday when i called my mom and left ash's food at the house... the only reason i was going out...

13. What is on the walls of the room you are in? paint...?

14. Seen anything weird lately? ummm... no

15. What do you think of this quiz? i was prolly bored?

16. What is the last film you saw? Cheaper by the Dozen

17. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?
car

18. Tell us something about you that we don't know : ummm... i dont know

19. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do? get rid of the ebil

20. Do you like to dance? yes, although i'm no good

21. George Bush: is he a power-crazy nut case or someone who is finally doing something that has needed to be done for years? um... the second.. cause i dont think hes a power-crazy nut case

22. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her? Mackenzi?

23. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him? Steven i think... i guess it depends on my husbands name.. cant name him my husbands name now can i? (shut up alex!)

24. Would you ever consider living abroad? psssh, yea

oh yea, heres another one. mwahahaha

SOME STUFF..
1. Spell your name backwards: skram eicyak (skram? hahaha!)

2. Have you ever had a song written about you? no.

3. What song makes you cry? umm.. i dont think i've ever had a song make me cry

4. What song makes you happy? *leaves this spot blank*

5. What do you like to listen to before bed? i don't

6. Height: 5'6 1/2"

7. Hair Color: red

8. Skin color: not red anymore.... tan

9. Eye color: blue

10. Piercing: you betcha... but i aint tell where;).. haha

11. Tattoos: not yet. havnt decieded about this one

RIGHT NOW

12. What color pants are you wearing? blue

13. What song are you listening to? mr. rogers neighborhood theme song

14. What taste is in your mouth? coffee

15. What's the weather like? its actually quite nice, sunny with a breeze.

16. How are you? been better

17. Get motion sickness? no

18. Have a bad habit? yes

19. Get along with your parents? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! sometimes...

FAVORITES

20. Tv Show: umm... either everwood or judging amy

21. Conditioner: Garnier Nuctrise for color treated hair

22. Book: Bible...sounds good

23. Non alcoholic drink: dr pepper

24. Alcoholic drink: haha, right, i'm admiting to this one at 16 *rolls eyes*

25. Things to do in the weekend: read, computer, sleep, phone

HAVE YOU

26. Broken the law: yeah

27. Ran away from home: no

28. Snuck out of the house: yes

29. Ever gone skinny dipping: uh, no

30. Made a prank phone call: yes

31. Ever tip over a portapotty: not yet

32. Ever use your parents credit card: yes...

33. Skipped School before: yes... its actually quite easy for me...

34. Fell asleep in the shower/bath: uh, no

35. Been in a school play: yep

36. Boyfriend: nope, never...

37. *edited cause of um..yea*

38. Children: umm... hahahaha! no, i dont.

39. Current Crush: umm... i actually dont have one at the time

40. Been in love: nope

41. Had a hard time getting over someone: ummm.... not answering this one... not possible

42. Been hurt: too often

43. Your greatest regret: umm... theres a few...

RANDOM

45. Do you have a job: hahahah, no, my parents dont want me to have one until im 17 cause my older sis screwed it up

46. Your CD player has what in now: switchfoot

47. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? orange (my mom says anyway)

48. What makes you happy? *leaves blank*

49. What's the next CD you're gonna buy: eithe trapt or hoobastank

WHEN/WHAT WAS THE LAST

50. Time you cried: ummm... when steph was at my house and we were talking about some issues on my trampoline in my back yard

51. You got a real letter: ummm... a while ago

52. You got a e-mail: today

53. Thing you purchased: switchfoot cd

54. Tv program you watched: monster house

55. Movies you saw in the theater: cheaper by the dozen

56. Kissed? haha... um my car yesterday cause it didnt die on me

57. Hug? wow... i dont remember

58. Song heard? umm... ummm.... finger eleven if i traded it all? something like that

59. Place you were ( not home ): college of the mainland

60. Phone Call: stephanie

61. You were depressed?: now

62. You were in the hospital?: like, 2 weeks ago... but not for me.

WHAT COMES TO MIND WHEN YOU HEAR

64. Car? piece of crap

65. Murder? bub bye person

66. Cape? zorro

68. Cell? i want one

69. Shoe? sock

70. Fun? not me

71. Caves? fun stuff

72. Crush? who needs that bother?

73. Music? beautiful

74. Chalk? hegood ol days

75. Candy? cavaties

......

2004-04-19T08:30:00.000-10:00
the title just about explains it... i have no idea where i am anymore, where i'm goin, what i'm doin when i actually get to where this long winding road ends... life is just so confusing.

my dad feels like hes being used... and he is by my sister, i mean, she has a flat, and just expects him to fix it for her... he expects her to just do everything for her... right now, they're paying all of her bills... ALL of them, shes 19! i mean, gosh. but whatever. because hes feeling used by her, we're all gonna basically get the punishment for it. its like, no more mr. nice guy for ANYONE. and i dont want my daddy to feel used. i mean, i just dont. i dont expect him to fix my flat tire without even considering to ask him if he would. i dont expect him to pay for my insurance for forever.* (*see below for explanation on that one.) i just dont, i want to get a job, i want to have the extra money for myself, i dont want to always depend on my parents. i kinda want to move out before im freakin 25. but yea...

my parents talked to me yesterday, and told me that they dont want me to get a job until im 17. anyone care to guess why? cause ash screwed up her first job at 16, so of course, its gonna be the same for me right? (why does ash always screw up the stuff for me?) but anyway, they said they'll pay my insurance, and give me a gas allowance, but i have to work for them. and i kinda dont mind that, except i want my own cell phone, and i was looking foward to getting a job so i could actually leave the house every once and a while. i mean, as it is, i'm homeschooled, so i'm home 24/7. and its just getting to me... thats all. i need to get into some things, be with more people. we used to take classes out at the local community college, they had a whole thing for homeschoolers, but my mom didnt pay the fees to be a part of the homeschool group anymore, so yea, i cant do that. and i enjoyed it... but thats life right?

anyway better get back to school. :P

what can i say? DO THIS!

2004-04-15T07:22:00.000-10:00
1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 23.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions

"he is totally in love with us" Enjoying Your Journey With God... Daniel A. Brown

happy... but yet upset

2004-04-11T14:31:00.000-10:00
Ok, well, yay, stephanie will be here tonight! On the other hand, I have only junk emails. No im kidding, that’s not my issue. I got up this morning, got into the shower, and talked to someone I really miss. Now, I knew I missed this person, but I just didn’t realize how much. So now, I’m regretting even talking to this person. Cause now I miss them even more, and I know a friendship with this person just wouldn’t work unless the other pawns in this situation move too… get what I mean? So yea, that’s how my day has freakin started.

love ya Lyd!!

2004-04-09T14:53:00.000-10:00
gotta love the pic! thanks a million Lyd! well.. today was my bros 10th b-day. i've had better days. i've just been blah for a while now. like, dang the world to heck kind of blah. i just dont want to exist right now. (and no, im not going to kill myself, never will, cause "we were meant to live for so much more") i just... gah, and i should be exicted... stephanie is coming in less than two days, i have a wonderful house to live in... cant say wonderful siblings, cause i could just murder some of them right now... but we wont get into that this time. anyway. yea. just thanks Lyd.

Break Our Hearts

2004-04-07T21:22:00.000-10:00
Worship LEader: Shelley Nirider

Break our hearts, oh God
Break out hearts
Break our hearts, oh God
break out hearts
for the sin in our lives, break out hearts
for the sin in our land, break out hearts

We cry out, we need your help
come back to our land
we confess, we've lived in sin
please show your power once again

i love this song to death. i havnt listened to this particular cd/song in a long time. like, over 2 years. and i pop it into my cd player today, and heard this song, and just got chills. very few things have that effect on me. this did.

y'all would not believe what i saw on the news last night. oh man. it was a 10 year old boy, in an orange jump suit, with chains and hand cuffs in a court room. want to know why? (too bad Stephanie, shup) because he is on trial for a sex crime. yes, you read right. he is accused of sexaully assulting a 7 year old boy... yes, you read right again. this is just sickening people. we do need Gods help people. look at what's goin on around us. just plain maddening. sickening. saddening. you name it, its there. i just needed to get that off my chest. thank you for listening, or reading as it may be.

stolen from Morgan's blog

2004-04-06T18:07:00.000-10:00
Willing...

I am willing to take a chance.
I am willing to fall blindly into the arms of Jesus and let Him guide me completely.
I am willing to find out if I can handle what may come if I do the above mentioned.
I am willing to be hurt to see a heart.
I am willing to be wrong if it means I find the truth.
I am willing to take a chance

isnt that awsome?

yo ho

2004-04-06T17:35:00.000-10:00
like the new look? i'm not sure yet.... i'm thinkin on it. :) let me know what you guys think !

YIPPIE!!!

2004-04-01T09:31:00.000-10:00
oh yea, Stephanie and her sister Alicia (sp) are gonna come see me!!!!! *throws confetti* YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!! (happy now Stephanie?) aaanyway, they're supposed, leaning heavily on the word supposed, to come down easter sunday night, then stay all day monday, and then leave tuesday. mommys gonna make them funnel cakes. and if they want, i can make them enchalada casserole for dinner... hehe. yea, and we're tryin to figure out what we're gonna take them to do while they're down here... so yea. thats my update.

if you love me....

2004-03-30T18:03:00.000-10:00
you'll answer these in my comment box:)

1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
2. Am I lovable?
3. How long have you known me?
4. When and how did we first meet?
5. What was your first impression?
6. Do you still think that way about me now?
7 .What do you think my weakness is?
8 .Do you think I'll get married?
9 .What makes me happy?
10. What makes me sad?
11. What reminds you of me?
12. If you could give me anything what would it be?
13. How well do you know me?
14. When's the last time you saw me?
15. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
16. Do you think I could kill someone?
17. Describe me in one word.
18. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?
19. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
20. Are you going to put this on your livejournal/blog and see what I say about you?

struggling

2004-03-29T09:40:00.000-10:00
i'm having " friend " issues. i feel like i'm being stalked by some, ignored by others, used by almost all, and just screwed by the rest. there are very few i dont feel this way about. and i know i dont deserve to be treated this way. its just that i went for so long, over 5 years not even having 1 friend. and i want friends. i want to be one of those people that have tons of friends. i want it so much, that i tend to just ignore the fact i'm getting screwed around by my so called friends . i know that i need to do something about this, but i know that what must be done, is cutting them out of my life. i'm just getting hurt staying friends with these people. and i'll get hurt cutting them out of my life. and deep down, i know that it will hurt less cutting them out, because it wont be a constant hurt, but i cant seem to bring myself to do it. and i know its pretty bad when my dad approaches me and tells me im being screwed. my dad tends to stay out of my friendship buisness, unless he knows i'm headed down a street that will leave me in devistation. so i know that i'm almost to the end of the road, where it drops off into a cliff, and i'll run right off of it if i dont do something... and i've fallen off so many cliffs in my life, and i know i dont want to do it again, so i really need to do something about this, but ai. i've been hurt by people that attended my church. my whole family was hurt by them. me and my sister mainly were the ones hurt. not many people know what happened, Morgan knows better than most what happend. and she is one that i consider a true friend, because she didnt desert me when i was in need. she stood by my side, helping me through the hard times. she didnt run when it got rough to be around me. i know i wasnt the best person to be around. Ash asked me not to go into detail about what happened, so I’m going to respect that.

I asked Courtney, Rippys little sister (Rippy being my sisters ex-boyfriend) if she wanted to go to a Matchbox Twenty concert. You know, Ash was goin, I was goin, some other people from the church might be going, and she was my friend (my only friend at the time) and I wanted her to go so I would have someone to go with me, so I wouldn’t be alone the whole time. Well, she said she wanted to, and she’d ask her parents. Sooo about a week later, I asked her what her parents said about the concert, because we needed to get tickets, (they were still in Mexico at this time) and I’d go ahead and get hers.. well, she said that her parents said she couldn’t go.. and wouldn’t tell me why. Finally I got it out of her, she couldnt go because Ashlyn was going. Now, I’ll just take this moment to say that Ashlyn didn’t do anything major here. Nothing to deserve this kind of treatment That was the biggest hurt I felt for a long time. I was crying. I just cried, because now Ashlyn’s mistakes are effecting me. (yes Stephanie, I cried) it was so hard for me not to hate Ash. I wanted to so bad. But I knew that I couldn’t, it wasn’t her fault, because she hadn’t done half the things that the Johnson’s thought she had done. And they were basing their judgement on the first story they got. They were not going to even take into consideration their sons account of what happened, and much less Ash’s.. That’s just the hate that her family felt for mine, because rumors are never the whole truth. And now, I’m barely even friends with Courtney anymore. Her parents having this increadible hate for my family is just too much of a strain. I mean, we still talk, sometimes… and she came over to my house for our every 6 month get together, but still. I mean, her dad would glare at us, at me. This right here, is only like, one 1,000 of the reason that I am so closed up towards people who love me. I’m afraid to get close, because its not just them that could push me away… Courtney didn’t push me away… it was other peoples mistakes that caused this to be this way… but yea… that’s just the pea from the pod of this story. ;) but that’s all I’m going to tell.

i havnt even told this to those few i consider friends who really and truly want to be my friends. those what, two or three... and those two or three dont even live in the same state as me. so i dont get to see them. and thats hard for me. really hard. and i have other people telling me i need a boyfriend. honestly, i'm 16, i dont need anybody but God. and sometimes i feel like hes hanging just out of my reach. its like i can barely see him, and i'm reaching, but i cant seem to catch his hand. his wings just dont seem to stretch far enough to cover me too.

la la la ...

2004-03-27T08:23:00.000-10:00
my new thing, la la la. so how is everyone? me... umm... well, yesterday, i was gone all day. we left around (we being Ash, mom and me) 12p to go have lunch with my aunt who lives 2 hours away and my grandmother. well, we were gone for the good part of the day, and dad stayed home with the little ones. (tyler and courtney) after we left from having lunch, we went to the mall. we ended up back home around 4 or 5p. then, mom and i left again to go help my moms friend decorate for her daughters wedding thats today... (oh boy, yea, i'll post when i get home from that one.) we left to go do that around 6p. well, around 7:30 or 8p, my mom decided that she needed some ribbon and siccors and christmas lights from home. its only about 5-10 min from my house. so yea, i ran home to get it. the only thing was, i had no idea where these christmas lights were. so i asked dad. well, he goes out into the garage, and "craps all piled up out here so you cant get to anything, and i have NO idea where these stupid things are" (quoting my dad) sooo, he starts throwing boxes all over the place to find these stupid lights that you didnt even have to dig to get, but he was just too freakin aggrivated that he had to get off the computer to come do this. so he went inside in a huff and left me to pick up those boxes so we could get the car in the garage when we got home. so naturally, dads in a bad mood, so when i get back to the building, i tell mom that dads aggrivated about the garage again, so beware. cause when dads in a bad mood, you dont walk around eggshells, you watch out for land mines. so we go home, around 9p, and mom starts cleaning up the garage, cause we've been hearing about this for months now. its not a new thing. and i go inside and cook some hamburger patties, cause dad failed to see why he should possibly make us some when he made tyler and courtney dinner... when dad goes, "where's mom?" so i said shes outside in the garage cleaning... "whats she doin out in the garage?" i was like... didnt i just say? i didnt say that though, cause i already knew he'd be mad when he went outside. so i said, "thats a question that you should ask her, cause i just came in to cook us dinner." so he goes outside, and less than 5 min later, (cause all this happened in about 5 min) he comes inside yelling at me cause i told mom he was aggrivated. i'm like, FORGET YOU DAD. it pissed me off needless to say. i went in my room, got in my pj's, and went to bed. only i couldnt sleep, so i just laid there. then dad comes in there, and is giving me a lecture about telling mom that hes aggrivated. im like, oh riiiight. its even worse when moms not prepared to deal with him being aggrivated, cause then she gets in a bad mood, and we all suffer. so yea, i'm gonna warn her. but i just sat there, barely looking at him, barley listening to him, cause my dad doesnt yell at me... and he did last night, and i have to deal with him being off for at least another week now. so i just did the whole i'm going to sit here and tell you what you want to hear so you'll leave me alone. he eventually did. then i got online and vented to alex. kudos to alex for putting up with me last night. and today i have that wedding, which means i have to wear a skirt... *pukes* but other than that... last night was HUNKY - DORY! *sarcasim* oh well, i'll catch y'all lata.

ya homie
kaycie

Do We or Don't We Like the Pic on the Right? Hm?

2004-03-25T23:57:00.000-10:00
*gleefully enjoys her hacking power* *giggles evilly* Oh, yes, dearist Kayci you must answe also :P And once you've gotten over me totally taking over your blog you may then delete this post, find someone to delete the pic, and perhaps find a nice flowery one.

Yes, well, for explanation Hannah and Josh were drooling over photos of Pirates of the Carribean. Anyhow, I still had the challenge of finding you a pic on my mind and when I saw Jack's eyes I nearly killed myself laughing and couldn't help but think, "Now *there's* a Kayci pic!"

And funny, there is maroon in it, but red goes with green....and purple? Anyhow, those eyes have got to count for something. lol Anyhow, I am off to watch the Pirates of the Carribean with my dearist mother who is going to love it. Sonrisa everyone ;) And do please give your opinion on the pic.

2004-03-24T17:00:00.000-10:00
Wow, ok, so I went to this concert tonight. It was pretty cool. I kinda knew the dude. He was my youth worship leader a few years ago… like, before Pam, and before Rippy… lol. But anyway. Rippy was there, and I asked him if he would sing MercyMe’s “I can only imagine” for me, while I did the signs to it. He said, yes, of course.  but anyway… he can sing JUST LIKE MercyMe y’all! Its so amazing! I love it.  but now all I have to do is learn it… and then I have to get my youth pastor to say that he can sing it for me.. that’s the hard part… because Rippy kinda left the church… kinda mad at Phillip.. (my youth pastor) so yea… but I think I can get Phillip to let him.  and maybe, if I’m lucky, can get him to ask Rippy if he’ll even do the worship for the night. OH YEA! Lol. So yea. I really hope he will, please pray that he’ll let Rippy do it! hehe. Sooo. Lets see. Oh yea, I have to go back to the orthodontist March 30th to get my bleaching crap. Yes, I have to have my teeth bleached now. Hey, I had them for 4 years, get off my back! Haha. I’m in a really good mood, which is odd, because I have a splitting headache right now. Ai yi yi. Oh well. Man, I’m on, and only one other person is on! Courtney girl. Not Alex, Stephanie is, but shes “away”. Katie is finally ungrounded, and the chick is not on. Oh well. I’ll live. COMMENT PLEASE! Heh heh.

new blog...

2004-03-23T07:40:00.000-10:00
everyone applaud Lydia for doing such a wonderful job on my blog! it looks wonderful. thank you very much. :) now, lets see. more info.... I GOT MY BRACES OFF THIS MORNING! hehe. i'm so happy. i'll tell more later.

sing along post...

2004-03-22T18:26:00.000-10:00
heres what goes on, i post the first part of the song, then in the comment box, y'all post the next line to the song... like, i'd post, "sunny days, chasin the clouds away", then one of you would do, "on my way to where the air is clean", then the next one would do the next line and so on... you're smart, figure it out from here. :)

this is the song that never ends....

wow, i love this title thingy

2004-03-21T20:05:00.000-10:00
ok, well, lets see. if you got this site, please comment... i'm going to figure out how to put a guest map on here sooner or later.. it'll take me a while to get used to this.. much more complicated than xanga. lol. but hey, y'all'll have to live with it. until then, i'll leave y'all with this wonderful song. :)

God is God by Steven Curtis Chapman

and the pain falls like a curtain
on the things i once called certain
and i have to say the words i fear the most
i just dont know

and the questions without answers
come and paralyze the dancer
so i stand here on this stage afraid to move
afraid to fall, oh, but fall i must
on this this truth that my life has been from from the dust

Chorus:
God is God and i am not
i can only see a part of the picture hes painting
God is God and i am man
so i'll never understand it all
for only God is God

and the sky begins to thunder
and i'm filled with awe and wonder
till the only burning question that remains
is who am i

can i form a single mountain
take the stars in hand and count them
can i even take a breath without God giving it to me
He is first and last before all that has been
beyond all that will pass

repeat chorus

oh how great are the riches of His wisdom and knowledge
how unsearchabel for to Him and through Him and from Him are all things

so let us worhips before the throne
of the onw who is worthy of worship alone

your favorite weird-o
kaycie

got it...

2004-03-21T13:33:00.000-10:00
im so freakin smart. :)

Figuring out how to get comments....

2004-03-21T13:14:00.000-10:00
i'm still trying. hehe. in the meantime, you'll just have to live without it. sorry!

2004-03-20T09:04:00.000-10:00
wut up homies

wut up peoples? i was tired of xanga, so i went for blogger... :) ok, so yea, here we are. if anyone wants to help me with the htlm junk, lemme know. cause i want the commenting thing, and have NO idea. :) sooo, yea. email me at pobodysnerfect@earthlink.net

Basics
Name::	kaycie
Age::	16
Height::	5'6.5"
Hair Color::	natural? brown
Eye Color::	bluuuuuue
School Life
What's your school's mascot?:	uh... ? heh
School color(s)?:	whatever i choose:P
G.P.A.?:	....
Who is your favorite teacher?:	uh, i plead the fifth on the grounds that it might incriminate me
What do they teach?:	heh
Is this your favorite class?:	um
Internet
Do you use any instant messengers?:	yes
If so, which ones?:	aim, msn
About how many hours a day do you spend online?:	too many
Do you have a digital camera?:	yes
If so, do you post pictures of yourself online?:	yes
Music
Do you play any instruments?:	yes
If so, what one(s)?:	flute
3 Favorite Genres Of Music::	rock, pop, country?
3 Favorite Bands::	Jars Of Clay, (i suck at fav.s, just so you know) Third Day, aaaaand, Trapt
Do you go to concerts and/or shows?:	yes
What is the most you've ever spent on a concert/show?:	me? i dont pay. HA
What is the least you've ever spent?:	um... .25
Do you think buying merch at a concert then wearing it there is corny?:	yes
Do you listen to any bands that you'd be ashamed to admit to listening to?:	no
Did you notice the grammatical error in question 29?:	whatever
Word Association
Blue::	my eyes
Camera::	digital
Boy::	girl
Pretty::	in pink
Pants::	good
Music::	cd
God::	my hero
Sweater::	i need one
Live Journal::	blogger
MTV::	ha!
Labels:
Do you think labels are dumb?:	some
Why or why not?:	cause
What do people label you as?:	um.. i dont know.
How/Why did you get this label?:	uh, ditto
Which Is Worse?
Physical Pain/Emotional Pain?:	emotional
Blink-182/Good Charlotte?:	blink 182
Being Deaf/Being Blind?:	gosh... deaf i think... no, cause then you cant listen to music.. I DONT KNOW
Being Bored/Rushing around because you have too much to do?:	being bored
Losing your dominant leg/Losing your dominant arm?:	both
Love
Do you believe theres a difference between "love" and "in love"?:	um.. yes
Is it better to have loved and lossed than to have never loved at all?:	yes
Are you romantic?:	heh... i dont 'think' so
Are you in a relationship now?:	no
If so, for how long?:	heh, try never
If not, how long have you been single?:	16 years and going
Are you a virgin?:	yes
What song describes your love life right now?:	um... the valley song by jars of clay
Ranomosity
War: Good or Bad?:	bad
What do you think of designer labels?:	ew
Who's skankier: Britney Spears or Paris Hilton?:	wow... hard one
What is it with guys and cars?:	what is it with it only being guys allowed to be into cars?
Do you sing?:	uh, no
If so, what part (Soprano 1,Alto 2, et cetera)?:	heh, i couldnt tell them apart
Kiss or hug?:	hug
What color is your room?:	a dusty purple color
How old is your mom?:	40 in august
Black and white or color photos?:	color?
Who cuts your hair?:	tammy
What color is your toothbrush?:	orange and blue
What color is your hair brush?:	purple
What kind of hair products do you use?:	um... hairspray
Is K-Mart just the poor man's Wal-Mart?:	yes
Are you sXe?:	no
Are you sexy?:	no
What color to people tells you looks nice on you?:	uhh... they dont
What color do you think looks nice on you?:	no clue
Clothes shopping or grocery shopping?:	clothes, i hate the grocery store
Who do you sit with at lunch?
Do you like the sound of your own voice when you hear it played back?:	no way
Who has the nicest speaking voice that you know?:	um... lydia
What is the website for one of your favorite bands?:	www.thirdday.com
Do you prefer to date people younger, older, or the same age as you?:	older
Do you listen to songs on repeat often?:	no
Who was the last person you hung out with?:	um... my dad
What did you and that person do?:	umm.... hung out?
Do you use internet shorthand (i.e. "lol", "brb", "jk", et cetera)?:	yes
How often do you bathe?:	um, every day
Are you a people-pleaser?:	sometimes
Do you dye your hair regularly?:	no
What about your eyebrows?:	no
Do you wear makeup?:	yes
If you answered "yes", to #96, are you female?:	if you would number these, i could answer your questions better
Do you buy CDs edited or unedited?:	um... unedited?
Can you beatbox?:	no
Does your mom like the song "Hey Ya" by OutKast?:	she hates it

Eschuchame

I miss....

2004 "at a glance"

blah... just blah

*is officially back*

welcome to the caribbean love

wow... this ones... big... deep:P

heh, bring it on. lets play

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA i would looooove for this to be true (and if the size kills you lyd, GET OVER IT OR FIX IT)

yooo hoooo

ahem

Everyones doing it! (yes, i live my life on this one. :) :P)

well i would never have guessed, but dude, i should add this to my career choices. :grin:

my cute widdle niece

What does your birth month say about you?

life...

heart breaking truth...

wow... (thats been my title a lot lately huh)

pray for me please

wow...

wow...

why...?

dear life

blarg

...sigh...

ok... yea, after that real post, heres a fun one

......

what can i say? DO THIS!

happy... but yet upset

love ya Lyd!!

Break Our Hearts

stolen from Morgan's blog

yo ho

YIPPIE!!!

if you love me....

struggling

la la la ...

Do We or Don't We Like the Pic on the Right? Hm?

new blog...

sing along post...

wow, i love this title thingy

got it...

Figuring out how to get comments....

is officially back